What a difference a year makes

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant. The nineteen months prior had been some of the most trying and frustrating I've known. However, that time brought me some amazing friends and I learned a lot about myself. Now I look at AJ, at 3 1/2 months and it's somehow hard to imagine when he wasn't a part of my life. It's hard, the newborn age is harder for me than I like to admit, but every time he smiles I'm reminded about how much I wanted him.

 A part of me feels guilty sometimes, because I do remember how hard it was when we weren't getting pregnant. I have friends that were trying at the same time as we were, some even before we were and they still don't have their babies yet. And I feel horrible for them. They are some of the most wonderful, warm, caring people I know. Why me and not them?

It is still hard for me to believe that I am a mom to two boys. Tyler is getting so big, he'll be FOUR in just days, but I'll save that for the next post. AJ is already astounding me with his voice and his newly discovered hands and all they can do. In some ways he is so like Tyler but in others he is completely different. As much as Tyler talks now, he wasn't nearly as vocal as AJ is. He coos, he jabbers, and sometimes he just YELLS!

His hair is darker than Tyler's, very like his daddy's, although it's pretty thin at the moment, thanks to a monster case of cradle cap we can't quite seem to get rid of. He likes to grasp toys, bat at his brother, and watch his mobile. He likes his bottle, his paci, and being bounced on a knee. He likes to chew his fists a lot! His eyes get huge when he is startled and he LOVES to get undressed! Sometimes if he's crying we can get a break just by laying him on his changing table! His chin still wobbles sometimes and we aren't ever sure why! He kicks off blankets, especially in the grocery store with Gaga. He already like to watch shows with his big brother, especially Word World and Sid the Science Kid. And here are a few photo collages I had fun creating the other day, including some shots of AJ. Just look at how similar he and Tyler are!

New Year, new post!

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Birmingham, Alabama for work in March. It's really pretty there and it was nice to meet some of my coworkers that I talk to but had never actually "met". It was a challenge to be newly pregnant and traveling though!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any official resolutions, but my goals were to try to get healthier (I did actually work on that in January before I got pregnant)and to work on advancing my career (at a bit of a standstill with that). I want to continue both of those this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Me! I gave birth to my adorable son AJ! I also two new nieces, Elizabeth and Zuri and a new baby cousin, Morgan.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Adam's grandma passed away.

5. What countries did you visit? None. It's on the bucket list.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you didn’t have in 2012? I would like to be able to buy a bigger house that suits my growing family better!

7. What dates from 2012 will be etched upon your memory, and why? Of course, October 12, the birth of my son! Also January 25th, when I found out I was pregnant after 19 long months of trying!

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year? I did some pretty big things at work. Successfully carrying AJ also felt like an achievement to me!

9. What was your biggest failure? I'd like to think I didn't have any major failures!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing comes to mind, aside from pregnancy and recovery from my C-Section

11. What was the best thing you bought? As silly as it sounds, femara and an hcg trigger shot were big ones! Also our "new" van (although it wasn't a choice to purchase, but a necessity).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My husband and family for putting up with pregnant me! Tyler for becoming an amazing big brother!!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The perpetrators of various horrific acts, such as the shooter at the Connecticut school and the people behind the Indianapolis explosion.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, car, diapers, formula, and food stuffs

15. What did you get really excited about? My pregnancy! It was a long time coming!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? A thousand years from the Twilight movie (don't judge me).

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Happier! The next one is complicated. I actually weigh a little less than this time last year, but it's distributed in such a way that I have trouble saying thinner! Thanks AJ! Richer or poorer? Let's say about the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I had gotten more things done around the house before AJ arrived. It's tough getting things done with a newborn!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Complaining. I have a lot to be thankful for.

20. How did you spend Christmas? We stayed home all day in our PJs and it was awesome!!! We saw various family in the days surrounding Christmas also, which is always fun.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? With my new little man! And with Tyler as a big brother!

22. What was your favorite TV program? The Big Bang Theory--hilarious!!!

 23. What was the best book you read? I read the Hunger Games series this year and loved it.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Song Pop app! LOVE! Don't have time to play it much these days but so fun!

25. What did you want and get? A baby!

26. What did you want and not get? A promotion and I will admit I went into my pregnancy wanting a baby girl, but I can't imagine any baby other than AJ now!

27. What was your favorite film of 2012? It should be Les Mis but I haven't seen it yet! I'll say Pitch Perfect, great movie!

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned the big 3-0 this year. I don't have any big hangups about it. I don't recall doing anything super special, it always fall on month end at work, so that's a distraction.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A little less money drama would have been nice

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2012? Maternity clothes!

31. What kept you sane? My hubby, my kids, my mom, my sisters, my family, my friends, and my coworkers! Talking and writing and laughing!

32. What political issue stirred you the most? Not political, but this fiscal cliff thing that might mess with my tax return is sort of pissing me off.

33. Who did you miss? My sister, my grandparents and my great aunt

 34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. Being a mom of two is harder than I thought, but very rewarding!

 35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Keep Holding on We're gonna make it through, we'll make it through.