SURPRISE!!!!

Yes, that's right, BABY NUMBER 3!!!

I still can't really believe it.  It's still sinking in, for sure.  By the way, I'm writing this Monday, May 9th, two days after I found out.  This will be published at a later date, and I'm sure there will be updates at the end. But I wanted to document this before I forget any details, because pregnancy brain is REAL!

So I'll start off by saying my cycles have changed a lot since I had AJ.  For the past 6 months, my cycles have only been 26-27 days. And I hadn't had a ton of success pin pointing ovulation. I had actually been starting to think I was probably ovulating too late in my cycle to get pregnant on my own.  But we were so busy, we basically had been sort of trying/not preventing.  I figured once the house was ready we would start focusing more on it.

So I wasn't really focused on my period, but I knew it was probably due around the end of the week before Mother's Day.  By the end of the week, a thought had entered the back of my head, but I still really didn't think much of it.  I had looked at my tracking app earlier in the week and it had predicted I would start Saturday, but it's usually more optimistic than I am, and usually I beat it to the punch.

Saturday morning, I woke up at 5:30 and couldn't sleep. My brain started whirring and so I got up and went to the bathroom, because I knew there was only one way to stop thinking about it.  The trouble was, I'm not in the habit of keeping pregnancy tests around and the only ones I had were from an auction Adam bought, and they'd expired in June 2015. I figured it would be negative anyway, so why not use it up?

Except it wasn't. I never look at my tests while they are processing--the whole "a watched pot never boils" thing....so I fiddled around in the semi-darkness, eventually counting to 120 so I knew three minutes has passed. I flipped on the light and there were two solid lines staring back at me. I think I whispered oh my god a bunch of times, but I was also reminding myself that the test was EXPIRED and therefore unreliable.  I snapped a picture with my phone and hid the evidence, then when back to bed. I used my phone to post a picture on my facebook group with my old Infertility buddies.  Their consensus was it was probably positive, but to get some more tests ASAP!

Now, I have had a BFP (big fat positive) three times before this.  With the boys, of course, and with my miscarriage in 2011. And each time, we had been really trying to get pregnant and Adam always knew when it would be time to test. This time, I had a slight edge. This time, it would be a surprise.  So I didn't say anything and acted casual. He needed to finish mowing the grass, so I was going to run errands with the boys by myself, then he was going to meet us for lunch and we would go to the hardware store to pick up somethings. So I had the perfect opportunity to buy pregnancy tests in secret.  I bought an 88 cent test to take that afternoon and a package of First Response.

After all of our running, I got the boys settled and Adam went upstairs to work on installing our closet doors.  I slipped back out to the van and grabbed the bag with the tests.  I put the First Responses and the box for the cheap test in my purse and took the test downstairs to the bathroom.  The test showed up positive right away!  I had a little moment by myself there.  It was really true.  And we weren't even trying hard. Somehow, on the day before Mother's Day, when there was only ONE possible day it could have happened, here I was, pregnant.

No doubt about it!

So now I had news to tell.  I planned on telling everyone together on Sunday, revealing it to mom through her present.  I had bought a kit of little foam owl crafts for Tyler to make her for Mother's Day/her birthday (her birthday fell on Mother's Day this year). So after AJ was napping, I took Tyler upstairs and told him the news!  We've talked about it before, and his friend Luke's mom is expecting, so he knew what it was about and was excited!  He won't stop talking about how he hopes it's a girl because we don't have any girls!

So Tyler made an owl for Gaga and I make two more. On the backs, we put the boys' names and on the third, I wrote "Baby #3, January 2017".  Later we were hanging around downstairs and Adam said, "Aren't you supposed to get your period pretty soon?" I tried to play it cool, casually checking my phone, looking at my app.  "Yeah, probably today or tomorrow." I said.  So he said we should play around that night, because he thinks that makes my period come. Uh oh. I decided I had better tell him. So I said I wanted to go up and see the new closet doors he'd hung. I snuck the test out of my purse and into my pocket and went upstairs. He came up after and so did my mom.  We looked at the doors and then mom when back downstairs. I closed the door and pulled out the test. I don't even remember if I said anything. He just started laughing and we hugged and laughed about how it only took once this time around!  I think he said are you kidding or are you serious or something.  LOL Then he admitted that he'd gone to get a receipt out of my purse and seen the box of tests. He thought I was going to test though, he had no idea I already knew!

So I still planned on telling my mom Sunday, but Adam started saying we should go ahead and tell her. I didn't need much convincing!  So I went upstairs and wrapped up the owls and gave Tyler the package. We took it to her and said, "Tyler made this and he didn't want to wait to give it to you." She opened in and oohed and ahhed over the owls. Then I told her he'd put his name on the back. The first one she turned over was the one that said baby.  She looked at me and then back at it and back at me. "Are you pregnant?" I nodded.  "Are you really?!" Then she screamed and jumped up and hugged me. Michelle came in too and everybody was talking and laughing and I was telling them about the whole day.  It was great!

Our family of owls

With the new addition!

On Sunday Angie came over and we showed her the owls too.  She BURST into tears!!  I was surprised, she'd never gotten so teary before, but she said it was because she wasn't expecting it.  It was really sweet!

So that's it for now!  I'm 4 weeks and 2 days according to my last period, but my guess is that I might be a couple of days further along than that. I don't know exactly when I ovulated. My OPK was close to positive on day 12, and less so on day 13, and I pretty sure it wasn't positive on day 11 (which is the day we conceived), so I don't know, somewhere around there.  I don't even have a doctor's appointment yet.  I called my OBs office but they haven't called back yet. I have a call into my rheumatologist too, just to be sure there isn't anything I should be aware of, given my lupus. I know my medication is safe to take.

So as of now, I'm due around January 14th. Given my history and previous C-Section, I will just schedule this one, which is kind of a relief.

What a ride this will be! Goals before baby number 3 arrives: Finish the house, sell it, move, and potty train AJ!  God help me! :-)

UPDATES:
 
WOW, I wrote this over a month ago!  A lot has been happening!  Tomorrow is my first Doctor's appointment. I will also have an ultrasound.  It's not my first ultrasound, however.  This post will get very very long if I tell the whole story, so it will get it's own post that I will publish in a day or so. Last Monday night (June 6th), I suddenly started bleeding.  I went to the ER and long story short, blessedly baby is okay!  The ultrasound showed the baby with a strong heartbeat (185) and actually measuring ahead at 9 weeks (by my last period I would have been 8 weeks, 3 days then).  I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH). It was SUPER scary, but they aren't uncommon.  I was instructed to take it easy, NO lifting more than 10 lbs (no more picking up AJ), and put on pelvic rest.  We were SO relieved!

Symptoms: Morning sickness started about a week after we found out (BOO!). Also major gas (sorry), sore breasts, serious fatigue and many many food aversions.  I'm just hoping and praying these subside at some point, since with Tyler they really never did.  No throwing up yet, so that's a plus, I guess.  I've been taking the Vitamin B-6 and a half a unisom at night, per my doctor's advice, but it's not completely alleviating it. We'll see how it goes.

FIRST DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT W/ULTRASOUND
Everything went well today (6/14)!  The baby still looks awesome, with a heartbeat of 183. We could see it wiggling it's little arms!  When I asked if I was really seeing it move it's arms, the baby bobbed it's head and the ultrasound tech swore it was nodding!  SO CUTE! Adorable profile!  My SCH is still there and had grown a tiny bit. They'll continue to watch it with weekly ultrasounds until it starts to get smaller and resolves itself. She gave me some samples of dyclegis (which is similar to the B-6/Unisom combo I've been using) to see if it helps my nausea a little more. Everything looks great!

Already so photogenic!

It starts

I don't usually post cryptic Facebook posts. They can be irritating. It usually seems like the poster is looking for people to press them for details, like attention-seeking. I broke my rule of no cryptic statuses yesterday, though.

Here's what I posted:

I did something very cool today. No matter what the outcome, I'm proud of myself!

Yesterday my friend and I submitted our book to a publisher for the first time. More than two years of work, with the last two months spent getting feedback and preparing submissions documents. I just feel so accomplished, to have actually co-authored a finished product.

We sent a short synopsis, bios, marketing olan, and query letter. The response time is 3-6 weeks. So imagine shock to receive an email this morning from one of the editors! She said they would love to see the final manuscript and that the synopsis was very interesting.

Whoa.

This is happening. No matter what, and editor is going to read and consider our work. I can't really decide if I'm more excited or terrified by that prospect!

BOO-HISS!!!

I consider myself a decent person.  I'm not a saint, but I try to be nice, to do the right thing, to treat others fairly.  Sometimes I fail at these things, but I'd like to think, on the whole, it all averages out to me being a pretty okay human being.

Some people are NOT decent human beings.

And one of those decidedly NOT decent human beings HIT my car over the weekend.  And drove off.  No note, no knock on the door. NOT a decent thing to do.

Some background before I tell the tale...We have a very narrow driveway, only big enough for one vehicle. You see, we live on a cul-de-sac and so our property is like a slice of pie, narrow in the front and quite wide in the back.  Our one car garage is used for storage, so we park our van in the driveway. My sister has been parking to the right of the driveway, in the grass, and we park our car on the street in front of our mailbox.  This is totally legal and there are others that do the same.  There are five houses on our cul-de-sac, three tri-levels in the center and a double on each end/corner.  One of the doubles is under construction, putting on a new roof and new siding.

I left work early on Friday to take Tyler to the dentist (No cavities--YAY!!!)--Michelle (my sis) drove Tyler up to Adam's work in the van so I could leave the car for Adam to drive home.  He got home around 5:45 pm and parked in his usual spot.  Michelle went out for a bit in the evening and go home around 8:30.  She didn't notice anything strange at that point.  So, fast forward to Saturday morning.  Mom takes the car to work at the bookstore on Saturdays. We were all getting ready to leave at the same time, around 9:00 am, because we had appointments to get the kids haircut.  Mom left first, but she called right after she left and said that something was wrong with the car, that it looked like someone had hit it.  She came back to the house and we could see that the front drivers side had been hit by another vehicle.  At first glance, the damage didn't look too bad, dents, scrapes, and a plastic underside of the wheel well was broken and pressing against the tire.  We took some photos and Adam was able to move the pieces away from the tire, so since mom needed to get to work, we decided it was probably okay to drive it and we'd get it looked at later.

She did manage to get to work in it, but it seems as though the damage is much more extensive than we thought.  When the tires are straight, the crossbar on the steering wheel is not straight across like it should be, but at a sharp angle.  It's very hard to make the car turn and the brakes are squealing.  It's definitely out of alignment (remember I JUST got the car aligned along with 4 new tires and a new rim like a month ago) and who knows what else. I'm really worried that the axle or frame is bent.  It's a 2008, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that there might be more damage that the amount the car is worth. 

I spent Saturday afternoon filing a police hit and run report, starting a claim with my insurance company, scheduling a repair shop to come get it for an estimate, and setting up a rental car reservation (which I had to do again on Sunday, because something wasn't done right in the system).  They picked up the car this afternoon, so we'll see what they say when the estimate is ready.  I'm dreading the phone call, honestly. 

When we saw the damage, we did approach the contractor working on the house on the corner, because it seems awfully coincidental that something like this happened on the same day that many trucks, vans and trailers were taking over the street and backing in and out of the small area. They claim to know nothing about it, both the contractor and his team, and the group of roofers (though most of them didn't speak English).  I certainly can't prove that they did it, I suppose it could have just as easily been someone doing doughnuts in the middle of the night, but it certainly seems suspicious to me. We didn't hear anything and so far none of the neighbors have reported seeing anything.  It could have been during the night or early in the morning, we just don't know. The police officer said she would hand the report over to the hit and run detective and he might give us a call, but it's unlikely they'll find out who did it.

So the whole thing is horrifically frustrating, but there isn't much we can do.  We have a $400 deductible, which means the chances of us being able to pay that, plus the extra charges on the rental car (We have an allowance of $20 per day from the insurance company, but with tax the car is slightly more than that, plus we opted for the $16/day insurance coverage, because we're feeling anything but lucky right now), and continue to work on the house and move this fall are slim.

We spent the day Sunday moving Michelle's stuff from her storage unit to her new place. She's renting a half double from a really nice lady and it's not far from our house, so that is good. It was hot, but at least it didn't pour rain on us.  When we moved her last time, it was snowing and sleeting.

So that's the goings-on here!  More to come as this story develops LOL!

Thank you Gilbert, AZ

Dear Random Resident of Gilbert, AZ who stole or bought my debit card number,
   I hope you enjoyed your $355.07 shopping spree to Ross, TJ Maxx, and Marshall's.  I really appreciated getting a call from my bank's fraud department at 4:00 pm on a Friday about possible fraudulent charges on my account.  And I appreciated having to leave work early--missing out on some of my hard earned overtime and making me late going home and thus getting stuck in traffic, so I could go to my bank and fill out fraud paperwork.  Great way to spend a Friday afternoon.  On the plus side, my bank won't pay for those charges.  On the negative side, it could take up to 10 days for the charges to be completely reversed, which totally screwed my weekend plans (because, you know, they entailed spending money that my bank account now shows as unavailable).  I even tried to nail your ass by calling one of the stores, where I suspect you bought a $100 gift card.  My banker said he's done this before and the store cancelled the gift card, rendering it useless.  But apparently, the Ross store doesn't mind being out $100, so I guess you win on that too.  Luckily, according to the fraud department, you'd tried to spend another $200+ somewhere and it looks like you finally got denied, thank Jeebus!  I hope it caused you at least a tiny bit of shame.  Probably not, but I can hope.  Now I find out that regardless of everything I did, the charges have actually CLEARED my bank anyway.  Fantastic.

  So thanks for ruining my weekend just a little bit.  Oh, and I hope you get hit by a bus.

Bite me,
Melissa


Yeah so that happened.  Fun times.

23 weeks pregnant!  My fun food/baby size ticker is still saying baby is the size of a papaya, which is what it said last week.  Lame.  So I googled it and found a site that tells me baby is the size of a grapefruit this week.  Night time is starting to get more uncomfortable, with my neck and back starting to complain more and of course the never ending trips to the bathroom!  Baby boy likes to kick me in such a way that makes me feel like I need to "go" even when I don't.  No flutters and gentle pokes for this girl!  Nope, it's the old 80's version of Batman!  BAM!  POW!  My belly is poking out and I'm carrying very high AGAIN.  But I can safely say, I look pregnant and not just chubby :)  I've also been condemned to grocery shopping from one of those old lady motorized carts, because for some reason Sunday mornings and the grocery store equals almost passing out.  I think it's the heat, combined with everything I can possibly eat for breakfast not having enough protein or something in it.  I feel stupid, looking (I think) younger than my 30 years, certainly not hugely pregnant yet, riding in a cart with no signs of injury, but I suppose it's better than actually passing out and the embarrassment that would bring!  Plus then I can usually avoid feeling like a puddle of ick the rest of the day.  Not that it stopped me from being a complete couch potato yesterday.

Doctor's appointment Wednesday!  Shouldn't be too exciting, probably just a bp and heart rate check, plus scheduling the glucose tolerance test.  Yum I can taste the orangey sweetness now! :-P

Duh

Today I got a text message from twin. "I can't find my phone. Can you call me?" So I did. She answered right away.
Me: "so you found it."
Twin: *giggles gleefully* "nooooo....how could I text you if I couldn't find my phone?" *more giggles*
Me: *facepalm* "you suck."
I really fell for that. The good news is so did my husband! :-D LOL!
It's been one of those weeks where things just aren't working like they are supposed to! I haven't even really been getting mad about it. It's sort of funny! Monday, I came to work to find my monitor kaput. Tuesday, the scanner wouldn't work. Or rather it wouldn't work FOR ME. Today my vein wouldn't work! They never have a hard time taking my blood and yet....
Ah well, its amusing, really!

ETA: Yeah and now I realize that submitting my blogs via text message posts very short separate entries.  Why on Earth would I want that?!  *rolls eyes*

Blame it on the hormones

Today was not a good day.  I think I'm in a bit of a funk.  Work isn't great, home isn't great, I'm worried about a hundred and one things.  Tyler's been super fussy, not sleeping well, and not eating well.

And now I'm messing with my hormones. Yeah, that was smart.

I was ranting a little (okay, a lot) at work today.  This was not the day to try to deal with the Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles.  I have a theory that they hold auditions to work at the BMV instead of interviews, because it seems like the most unpleasant people work there.  Anyway, long story short, I was trying to set up an account on their dealer website so that I can order temporary license plates for our customers.  We just found out it has to be done online now.  So the website said to enter my dealer number and they would email me the new password.  But they don't have my email.  There was a note that said that if that was the case, to call this phone number to have an email added.  So I did that.  And the lady said I had to have a letter signed by one of three people listed in their system.  The first two have retired. The third is the OWNER of my company.  Yeah, I need to bother the owner of my company and ask him to please have the Indiana BMV add my email address to their system.

Seems pretty trivial to me and I'm sure it will seem trivial to him as well, but that's what I've got to do.  So anyway, I was telling my boss this and describing the snarkiness of the BMV employee and he (not so delicately, I might add) asked if I had started taking my fertility medication.

I sort of just stared at him for a minute, at first sort of taken aback that he would ask me that.

And then I thought, "Huh.  Yeah, I guess that could be it."

And the cherry on the craptastic day?  I broke my glasses.  I was pulling a shirt off over my head and crack!  The leg snapped clean off.  So I will be walking around with scotch tape around my glasses until the weekend when I can go get them fixed.  I could really use the "Reparo" charm right now.

*sigh*

On the plus side (gotta try to find one), my hormone levels at my appointment were fine.  My ultrasound must have been too, since they gave me the prescription for Clomid. I haven't heard back about my Glucose and Insulin levels, but I felt pretty much fine after drinking the lovely orange soda, so I think it'll come back okay too.  AND I'm taking vacation next week.  Even if homelife isn't great right now, it's got to be better than work and homelife put together, right?





right?





Anyone?  Bueller?

Tylerese

I find myself asking my (almost) 2 1/2 year old son exactly what language he is speaking.  I should preface this with the explanation that he actually speaks incredibly well.  He started talking pretty early and he never looked back.  By a year, he knew about 100 words.  He astonishes me with the words he knows AND understands.  We won't talk about the fact that he wouldn't call me Mama until he was 14 months old.

All that being said, he has chosen this time in his life to start speaking in what I like to call Tylerese.  It's basically jibberish, but in a SUPER ULTRA HYPERACTIVE way.  A few minutes ago it was "Kaleakylayaya".  He'll repeat it too, if you ask him, so I'm convinced that he knows what he means.  He usually combines these hyper-talk moments with quite literally bouncing off the walls running around. 

My point?  I need a translator up in here!

RIP Sammy

Sadly today I must report a death.  My dear smartphone (since dubbed Sam.  I felt he deserved a name in his passing) died a terrible death in the parking lot outside my office this morning.  I dropped him.  I feel so terrible.  I used to carry my phone in my pocket but my new fancy phone has a touch screen and I sometimes carried it in my hand. I exited my car, juggling a bag, purse, keys and phone and which item do I drop?  Sammy.  I stopped and said "Man I am going to have to be so much more careful with this thing, totally thinking it was going to be fine or maybe slightly scratched.  It was face down, so I flipped it over and the screen was totally shattered.  &%$@  I totally almost bought a case this weekend too, which might have helped my phone to be not completely destroyed, but the saleslady was a bitch.  I picked up one and wanted to see how my phone would look with it on. It was at a little kiosk in the mall, so the packages pop right open so you can do just that.  I put in part way on and started to take it off again and she snapped at me that I was going to break it and snatched it (with my phone) out of my hands. She removed the case, put it back in the package and hung it back up.  I was like, "okay I was going to buy that but since you obviously don't care to sell it to me...."  So this was a totally senseless tragedy. Here is what the little scene looked like:

This image is inspired by the genius that is Ali and her blog http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/.  I hope this doesn't come off as copying her.  It's a FABULOUS blog and you should ALL check it out.  All 5 of my readers LOL

Anyway, my phone is toast.  And I, being brain dead, did not purchase the insurance policy.  It is my first smart phone and I have only had it 3 weeks.  It still rings, but the screen is shattered.  So very sad.  And even sadder, I had to purchase a new phone at full retail price or refurbished price.  So I will not be replacing this phone with the same model.  I'm getting an older one and my mom is going to take it, then I'm going to take hers (it's just like mine).  She doesn't want or need so many features so she wants to trade.

Isn't that a sad story?  Do you know what is also sad? I'm going through serious withdrawl.  I haven't been without a working cell phone since I was 18.

Goodbye Sammy. We had some good times together...Activation, the time we spent in the marketplace, our Angry Birds rendezvous...you will be missed.  At least until my new one comes and I forget how much I had to spend to fix this.  RIP Sammy.

Freaky-Me

I visited my optometrist today. It's something I've done since I was tiny--just a toddler. When I was a child up through about 19, I went to Riley Children's Hospital for all my eye care. I was born with something called a coloboma. It's basically a gap in the formation of iris of my eye, causing part of my optic nerve to be very thin. For me, it mostly means that I am legally blind in that eye (the left eye). I can see, but it's very blurry, even with glasses. Here's a picture of a coloboma (not mine):

Incidently, John Ritter had a coloboma. So does Madeline McCann.

In addition, I also have a condition called heterochromia iridum. That means that my eyes are two different colors. My right eye is green and my left eye is brown. It's always been that way, at least since my eyes changed color when I was a baby. Do you know that Jane Seymour and Demi Moore have this condition, too? Most likely, the two conditions are linked, likely the heterochromia iridum is a side effect of the coloboma, but not everyone who has a coloboma has two different colored eyes.

So anyway, today I visited my eye doctor. She's all the way in Greenfield, which is about 45 minutes from Indy. My mom had an appointment too, so we went together, with Tyler. My mom does not travel on interstates. So it was a bit of a drive. I go to this doctor because she offers a service called OptiMap, an alternate to eye dilation. I hate HATE HATE having my eyes dilated. In case you don't know, this involves eye drops, which are evil. It also involves blurry vision and extreme light sensitivity for pretty much the rest of the day. I have had it done countless times, but as soon as I heard there was an alternative, I said "Sign me up!"

The alternate, OptiMap involves literally taking a picture of the back of the eye. I simply press my eye to the lens of their machine, receive a flash of green light, and presto! Instant view of my optic nerves, retinas, etc. Aside from the little green floating spots I see for a minute or so afterward, no muss, no fuss. So here's my right eye. I understand it's pretty typical of a "normal" eye:

And here is my left eye, the "bad eye":

The green light floods through to the back of my eye, in a keyhole-effect because of the part of my iris that never formed.

So my left eye is pretty messed up. And there's no fixing it. When a nerve is damaged, it can't be repaired. So my right eye has done most of the work for my nearly 29 years. It wasn't good to start with (in case you don't know, my entire immediate family needs glasses for various reasons) and has weakened over the years. My doctor told me today it's a good thing I wear glasses, if for no other reason than to protect my right eye. I am at a higher risk of retinal detachment in that eye. That wouldn't be good. I'd be a dangerous blind person.

It was a pretty uneventful visit, my prescription hasn't changed too much. I certainly hope Tyler takes after Adam, who wears glasses but has pretty decent eye sight. I think I might get lucky there...the kid can point out a McDonalds from a mile away!

Snowpocalypse 2011

So in case you haven't heard, there was a huge winter storm that roared it's way across the country this week. Indiana, where I live, was slammed with ice and snow. In my area, we got mostly ice. I think we ended up with over 2 or 3 inches of ice. My boss excused us from work yesterday and today my office was officially closed.

My mom and I ventured outside today to try to defrost the cars. I appreciated the warm clothes my mother in law got me for Christmas! I wore leggings under jeans and a turtle neck and a sweater, plus my coat, two pairs of socks, boots, a scarf and two pairs of gloves. We started off by getting the door open on the van. That took several minutes. Then we started the van. Then I ventured down our somewhat steep driveway and broke into my sister's SUV and our SUV, starting them and turning up the heat and defrosters. Then we attacked the van with two ice scrapers. It took a long time! I was literally whacking the van with the handle of my scraper to break holes in the ice to scrape!

It took awhile, but all three cars are now free from their ice cubes. The rest of these two days have been spent taking care of Adam and Tyler, who are both sick. Tyler scared me yesterday...his fever got pretty high. I gave him a lukewarm bath and it hasn't crept back up too high since. He's so clingy when he's sick, we're joined at the hip! Honestly, it's been a challenge to get him to let me go to the bathroom!

Also, on Tuesday I watched the funeral of my former classmate and fallen police officer David Moore. I was glad to be home to watch it. It was very touching.

So that's been my life the last two days. The main roads seem better, so I'm betting I'll be working tomorrow! It's been strange! Everyone panicked about this storm, there was a lot of concern about power outages, but we were spared, thank goodness!

Everyone stay safe in this weather! Thanks always for reading :)

Disbelief

My baby turned 1 yesterday. In my twin's words, I did not authorize that. Where does the time go?

Nature's WTFs

My twin wrote a blog post ages ago about what she described as "nature's cutest WTF", a duckbill platypus. See it here

Then I saw an article on People: Pets and we had the following email exchange:

Saw these on People-Pets. Thought some of them gave the Duckbilled Platypus a run for it's money in the "nature's WTF" catagory.


FENNEC FOX
The tiny Fennec foxes — native to North Africa — may look pretty cute, but they're actually nighttime predators whose oversized ears are so sensitive that they can hear insects walk on sand. Perhaps they can also get a better listen when they phone home?
Me: Really cute and mildly strange looking in an AW sort of way.
Twin: These are just cute, they’re not creepy at all. I like the big ears. It’s like your cat is trying to eavesdrop.
Me: Hee! For real. It’s all like “I’m not listening…really. Continue.”


With eyes as large as their brains, the furry little tarsiers of Southeast Asia are able to climb within a day of being born. That must make things easier when you take them to your leader.
Me: Okay those eyes could be scary.
Twin: The funny thing is that the eyes open REALLY slowly, so it’s like he’s shocked in slo-mo. I think he’s cute, though.
Me: Oh that’s hilarious. But yeah, he is kinda cute.


STAR-NOSED MOLE
Ahh, it's coming to get you! Well, if you're a worm or small insect, that is. The star-nosed mole, often found in Canada and the U.S., literally inhales its food, taking less than a quarter of a second to find its prey, grab it and digest.
Me: FREAK-Y I kinda threw up in my mouth a little bit when I saw this one.
Twin: He looks like bad things happened to your personal bits or something. On the other hand, check out the awesome press-on nail action!
Me: Ew yeah totally. LOL he does have lee press on’s!


ALBINO HEDGEHOG
Is it a bird? A plane? Nope, just an albino hedgehog, so rare that there's only one for every 10,000 in the current hedgehog population. Though his look is intriguing, his upbringing will be solitary: Because he stands out so much in the wild, he'll have to live in a hedgehog home to survive.
Me: Not that weird and sorta cute.
Twin: Hedgehogs are cute. The end.
Me: Agreed


ECHIDNA
Named for a mythological Greek monster that was half-nymph, half-snake, the echidna seems like something that might want to whisk you away in its UFO. But these little guys are typically harmless — the toothless creatures feast predominantly on insects.
Me: Hee. Does he have a boner?
Twin: Looks like! Look how cute they get when they’re bigger, though!


Me: I must say, he’s cuter as an adult. And more nails.


COMMON-SIAMESE SOFT-SHELLED TURTLE
He may look like a spongy space creature, but this common-Siamese soft-shelled turtle can be a fierce fighter when necessary. The breed, found throughout the world, is known for a disproportionately long neck, which helps the animal to keep its body submerged in water, sand or mud while still getting oxygen from the surface.
Me: Ew. I hear a squishy sound for this one.
Twin: It looks like it’s been microwaved. Me no likey.
Me: LMAO he does looked nuked!


AYE-AYE
My, what really big eyes you have! Though its wiry hair and spooky yellow peepers give the Aye-aye a Martian-like look, the foragers — native to Madagascar — are kind of like woodpeckers, gnawing holes in wood to find food.
Me: I feel like he'd be all hyper-active. Too much sugar.
Twin: This is that thing the zoo’s getting! It’s all strung out and weird looking, like it’s been forced to survive inside of a Starbucks for a year.
Me: They are getting these a the zoo?! And yeah, totally beyond caffeine buzzed


BLOBFISH
It came from outer space! Or actually, cool waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania. The blobfish — literally what it sounds like — is a creature rarely seen by humans, that lacks muscle and floats just above the ocean floor.
Me: This guy looks like a loogie.
Twin: But a kind of cute loogie. I feel like he should have been in Finding Nemo, and that’s why he looks all depressed, because his part was cut for Dory.
Me: Gotta disagree here. He looks diseased. I do love that he appears to have a nose.


GOLDEN MONKEY
Though they're cute and furry, little is known about the golden monkeys, making them extra-mysterious. The endangered creatures are typically found in the mountains of Africa, restricted to highland forests filled with bamboo.
Me: Not weird! Cute! And snuggely
Twin: Not weird, just sweet!


PANGOLIN
Often compared to a "walking pine cone," pangolins have hard scales all over their bodies, and can curl up into a ball when feeling threatened. But their craziest characteristic? Tongues that extend into their stomachs!
Me: Okay the tounge part is icky.
Twin: Agreed, but I like this guy. He looks like a porcupine and an armadillo had a baby.
Me: Yeah, he’s got some cute. And more nail action…these animals could use some mani-pedi action.


HORESHOE CRAB
You know that guy who never wants to leave the party? Well, this is that guy in the animal kingdom. The horseshoe crab (with Baker) has been around for half a billion years. If you see one — they're all over the eastern seaboard — thank it for its contributions to science. "We use their blood to screen for contamination in hospitals," Baker explains. "If you've ever had an operation, you owe something to the horseshoe crab."
Me: Cool animal. Low on the cuteness scale, and I wouldn’t want to cuddle him, but he’s got charisma, no?

Twin: If by charisma you mean the ability to make me want to pee my pants, yes.


CORNISH SUCKER
Baker's love affair with this creature began in tidal pools near his home in the UK. "You flip over a rock and you see this weird fish. Yes, it's a fish!" says Baker. He explains its weird look: "Its pectoral fins have fused to form a huge sucker on its belly."
Me: EW. Sort of a speckly turd. I can’t believe this guy admits to having a “love affair” with this thing. And what exactly does it suck?
Twin: It’s an angry slug. I veto this creature.


SILKY ANTEATER
They're fun to look at, but don’t get too close — those razor sharp claws can pull apart concrete in their quest for food! Baker learned the hard way when one grabbed on to his finger. "They have karate moves!" Sounds painful!
Me: On one hand, aw, cause it looks like he’s rubbing his eyes, all sleepy-like. On the other, lethal looking. He’s a cutie though…all fluffy
Twin: “I am so sleepy… HAHAHAHAHA you fell for that! Dumbass.”


MIMIC OCTOPUS
This critter "uses its incredible muscular control to push its bodies into different shapes," explains Baker. "It can be a flat fish, it can be an eel, it can be a jelly fish." Never trust a shape-shifter!
Me: Dude, he’s kinda cool. Not very attractive. He’s like Odo on DS9 (Adam has turned me into almost a trechie)
Twin: It also looks like two naked snails doing it.


HELLBENDER
This slimy salamander — which can be as big as 18 inches! — lives all over the American Appalachians. Baker loves this animal, called a Hellbender, because of its unique gender roles. "The males guard the babies!"
Me: Ick, this guy is majorly slimy. And his tail is flat. Kinda hard to tell head from tail. I don’t get the name though.

Twin: I think that’s its head. I think God stepped on him, and tried to fix it and then was like, nah, it’s cool like that.

HH Owie

So my mom, Tyler and I went to HH Gregg on Sunday to buy a new washing machine. Cause ours broke, of course. The agitator was no longer agitating. So we're standing their while the salesman checks stock and there is this loud crash from the front of the store. We look up and don't really see anything. I knew the sound came from the microwave display on the front wall, so I figured someone had knocked the glass turntable out and it had broken. Half right. So then all these salesmen start swarming to the front of the store. There had to be 15 salesguys. So we start thinking that someone is hurt or something fell over onto someone. But no one is around. Then everyone starting going to the front doors. So of course, we followed. On the way up, we realized that the wall, well it wasn't where it was supposed to be. It was jutting out with large cracks in it. Yep, you guessed it. Someone had crashed their car into the front of the building.


Our salesguy had been looking at the wall in question when it happened. he said that all the microwaves were thrown open, the turntables fell out (and smashed) and then all the microwaves slammed shut again.

It looked like an older couple was driving, and they were fine. Their car didn't even look bad, considering. We are guessing they mistook the brake for the gas.

It's so crazy when you witness shit like that. But it gives me something to write about on my blog that no one reads, except my dear twin, who has probably already heard the story.

Ah well, I can pretend that someone people will have discovered my blog and will read all my old posts. LOL

Scary Survey

Scariest Survey EVER

Would you rather...

1.) Be able to comsume fatty foods without gaining weight OR be able to have unprotected sex without getting sexual diseases?

Ew. BLTs not STDs.

2.) Be able to communicate with animals, but only the nerds OR be able to read people's minds but only when they are thinking about aluminum siding topics and issues?

Easy. Animals. I've always been considered a nerd.

3.) Have a knack for model train set-ups but have an irresistible urge to punch people named Mildred in the breast and thighs OR be able to make anything shiny but be unable to refrain from making the tug boat gesture and sound any time an overweight person enters a room?

Number one, since I don’t know anyone named Mildred, and if I did, they might deserve it.--WORD

4.) During sex, be able to read the mind of the person you are having sex with OR be able to hit you or your partner's G-spot by finding Waldo in a Where's Waldo book? (each page used only once)

The mind reading thing encompasses both, n'est pas? Sorry I'm on a french kick. Use it or lose it. It means, "Is is not?"

5.)Every hour on the hour, change which gender you are attracted to OR turn your sexual partner into Tony Danza when you climax, and then turn them back to themselves the next time you have sex with them?

I'm not that okay with either one, since I happen to be straight. However, I'm fine with alternative lifestyles and not so fine with creppy old guys, so we'll go with A.


6.)Have your mom have to put on your condom like she was dressing you as a child OR never be able to call your spouse by the same name twice?

MMkkay Mom and condom should never appear in the same sentence, so I have no choice but to go with B.

7.)Have to use condoms that come in a wrapper where you have to finish the crossword puzzle before it can be opened OR be unable to shake the image of Meadowlark Lemon during all sexual congress?

The puzzle would be part of the fun! Plus, I'm married. I technically don't have to use a condom. And, there are other forms of bc if I got tired of puzzles


8.) Never be able to experience orgasm OR perpetually experience orgasm?

B hands down.

9.) Attract swarms of fireflies when aroused OR have the sound of microphone feedback intermittently emanating from your crotch?

LMAO, I can't say it better, twin: Feedback from my crotch would be hilarious.


10.) Your penis/breasts increase in size by 10 percent each year OR decrease in size by 2 percent each year?

Crap that's hard. I would hate to be bigger chested, but Adam's a boob man. I guess B, since it's only 2% a year. He'd get to enjoy them until they started sagging anyways.

11.) Vicariously experience all orgasms that occur in your zip code OR during sex, have the Microsoft paper clip help icon appear with sex tips?

MS Help blows but I have to work sometime Option B.

12.) Have Bettie Davis eyes OR Charles Manson eyes?

Ew A.

13.) Be able to simulate the voice of anybody you meet OR simulate the hair?

I could make serious bank by simulating voices. I’ll take it. AGAIN I SAY WORD!

14.) Be able to achieve orgasm at will OR be able to make anyone other than yourself achieve orgasm at your will?

Others, how cool would that be? "Ding! You can thank me later." This was the last person’s answer, but I couldn’t change it. Perfect. I will have to second that earlier response. Although I was going to be totally selfish.

15.) Have taste buds all over your body OR have a malleable stress-ball head?

Stress ball head. I love those things!!!

16.)Have an ever-changing tattoo that takes the form of whatever image you will it be OR be able to psychically see anybody's internet browser history when looking at them?

Changing tattoo would rock!

17.) Have Gatorade saliva OR be able to murmur fluently in twelve languages?

me no likey gatorade. Beaucoup de culture!!!

18.) Be able to insist on paying for the check but never actually get stuck with it OR know exactly what the person on the other end of the phone looks like simply by hearing their voice?

The first one. :)

19.) Slide naked down a fire man's pole covered with tacks into a pool of scotch OR cheese-grate the skin off your left forearm

The second, but I’m weeping for either.

20.) Chew a used condom as gum for an hour OR have all your pubic hairs become ingrown? GAH!!! I think i have to say...oh crap man. B I guess but GAWD!

21.) Sleep a night on a bed of peanut butter OR next to a humidifier full of urine?

Peanut butter. What sick bastard wrote this survey.

22.) Have invisible skin OR see in strobe light?

See in strobe light. Then I could just gouge my eyes out. --Word. The only option.

23.) Have an intense urge to whisper sweet nothings into the ears of bus drivers as you pay your fare OR have parents who affectionately refer to you as "anal cakes"? Ew. I'm walking. A.

24.) Have permanent Cheetoh residue on your fingertips OR appear as Shemp of the three stooges in all photographs?
Cheetoh residue, as long as it didn’t get on my clothes or others. AGREED

25.) Have commercial interruptions during masturbation fantasies OR have to masturbate with the mandatory use of a Sesame Street's Elmo hand puppet?

It would be A, because I refuse to violate my childhood. AGAIN, I must concur.

Would your rather your only porn be......
1.) 6 second clips of hot people OR 2 minute clips of moderately attractive people? 2 minutes. I can’t get anything done in 6 seconds.
2.) Verbose, subtle erotic fiction OR pornographic Magic Eye 3D pictures? The first one. (Am I really going to post this in my blog?!)
3.) Animal Nature documentaries OR suggestive cloud formations? Cloud formations are much more fun.
4.) Geometric shapes OR family reunion pictures? SHAPES. No family EVER.
Again, I can't do better than this.

Would you rather live in a world....
1.) Where women were given equal pay, opportunity, and access to jobs OR where men experience the pains of the birth process along with women?

That's so hard. Can't I have B, just for one day??? My wallet says A.

2.) Where there was a rapper-like East Coast/West Coast feud of mimes OR where the pledge of allegiance was changed to the lyrics to "Eye of the Tiger"?

Stupid. A.

3.) Where Teletubbies were a common species of creature that lived in the wild OR where there were evil, bizzaro arch-enemy versions of ourselves?

I think Teletubbies scare me more than enemy-types.

4.) Where the convention of singing "Happy Birthday" was replaced with "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" by Bachman Turner Overdrive OR where congressional debate was settled by dodgeball contests?

Dodgeball! Helltotheyeah!!

5.) Without skin moisturizer OR without cream cheese?

Cream cheese. I have really dry skin.

(Guys) Would you rather have sex with....
1.) Hillary Clinton OR Natalie from Facts of Life? (This doesn’t apply to me, but Natalie. At least she was my age-ish.)
2.) Jessica Rabbit OR Daphne from Scooby Doo? (Duh, Jessica Rabbit.)
3.) Venus Williams OR Sheryl Crow if she spoke in the voice of an old Jewish man? (Sheryl Crow, I’d tape her mouth shut.) WoRD

Ladies...Would you rather have sex with...
1.) Bryant Gumble OR Weird Al Yankovic?

Bryant Gumble. Al might creep me out in that sitch.

2.) Alex Trebec OR Larry David?

That's sad. I don't know who Larry David is.

3.) Johnny Depp without a leg OR Tom Selleck without a moustache?

DUH Johnny's a hottie with a body, legs or no legs.

Immoral Dilemmas
1.) You are walking down the street and see an open briefcase with $1,000 in it. Across the street there is a police station. Do you spend it on whores or crack?

Stupid. I want neither drugs nor whores.

2.) You're driving at night and hit a dog. No one witnesses you hitting the dog. Do you bake or broil it?

This section sucks. I would cry

3.) You're waiting at a red light at 4 am. There isn't a car in sight. No one would see if you ran the light. Do you masturbate with your left or right hand?

Wha?! Wait ‘til I got home, Mr. Icky Survey! (ROTFLMAO I can't change that.)

Oh I need a shower after that. So sorry, but it was long so I can't not post it.

Quelle heure et-il?

Yeah showing off my mad French skills there. Translation: What time is it?

Answer: I have no fricken clue.

So I'm in Missouri, which is like an hour off Indy. Or something. See, Daylight savings time is a new thing in Indy. I don't know why I'm explaining this, seeing as my sis is the only one that really reads this and she lives there too. But anyways. Indy never changed clocks until last year. Then this year, they decided to wait and change the clocks later in the year than the rest of the country. So they changed last Saturday. So now I don't know what time it is.

It's...well I think it's 5:30 here. See, my alarm clock at the hotel says that. My computer says 6;30. My cell phone says 5:30. And my rental car says 6:30.

I hate time.

Je detest l'heure.