Subchorionic Hemmorhage

**Disclaimer** this is my account of my very scary bleeding experience on June 6.  As of right now, baby is doing great, has a strong heartbeat and is measuring ahead of where we thought I was, so those are all good signs.  This may get a little graphic/tmi, but I want to document it.

On Monday, June 6th at about 10:00 pm I started getting ready for bed. I put away some laundry, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, etc.  I laid down in bed and basically immediately felt a gush of fluid.  I knew immediately that wasn't a good thing. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and even then I could see blood running down my legs.  It was a lot of blood. I think I was just in shock at first and couldn't even think.  I started yelling for Adam and for  my sister because she was closest and I knew she'd hear me. Adam ran upstairs and kind of froze. My mom came up too and we all took in the scene. My mom got me a washcloth and she and Adam cleaned up the floor a little and Adam got me some clean clothes.

I got myself together and cleaned up as best as I could. I put a pad on an got dressed and we rushed out the door.  I just kept saying I couldn't believe this was happening.  I'd felt "fine". Fine as in pregnant and nauseated and the same as I'd been feeling for weeks.  I thought it was over and that I was miscarrying for sure.

We got the ER and Adam dropped me off at the door and went to park. I checked in and was quickly offered a wheelchair, which I accepted.  They took me right back to a room and a nurse came right in.  She was super nice and sweet.  It's all a blur, but I think the doctor--actually she was a PA, and accompanied by a medical student, came in pretty much right away.  They asked a lot of questions and I told them everything that had been happening. At that point, just by my last period, I thought I was 8 weeks and 3 days.  She explained that they'd take some blood to check my hormones and do a pelvic exam to start.  

The nurse took some blood and put in a IV shunt. The PA said all they could really offer me for the nerves was Benadryl, which I declined.  She checked my pulse and listened to my chest, noting that she could hear a heart murmur. I told her I'd never been told that before. She said it probably was nothing to be concerned about and it might just be a pregnancy thing, since pregnant women has a much higher blood volume than normal.

Then she did the pelvic exam.  Those are just never fun.  She had to clear a sizeable clot before she could start, which made my heart sink. I tried very hard not to think about what that might be. She said I was dilated about a fingertip, but that can happen so the clots can pass.  She indicated that it wasn't necessarily an indication that things were bad.

At that point, we just had to wait to get the blood test back. The PA said if my hormone level was over 3000 (and at the point I was in the pregnancy, it should be well over that), then they would do an ultrasound. If the hormone level was lower than that....well we'd know things weren't good and there probably wouldn't be anything to see on the ultrasound.

It took over an hour to get the results, which was just awful. Adam and I talked some, and we really were kind of defeated.  I don't think of it like we were being pessimistic, but I think we were trying to prepare ourselves for the worst.  I talked to the nurse and the PA about what they knew so far and IF this, THEN what, and all that, explaining that I knew they didn't have all the answers, but that it helped me to know the details of all the possibilities.  

It was surreal to talk about miscarriage and DNC and all that, but somehow, even while I was crying and upset to think about it, I wanted to know what I might be facing. 

Finally, the PA came in and said, "Your level is 181--" I cringed. "thousand."  So that's super high and it was a good sign for now. The nurse said I was super pregnant.  I knew that it wasn't a sure thing, but I definitely started to gain back a little bit of hope.

Soon after, they took me for an ultrasound. The technician said she would do an external first and then an internal. I asked if she would tell us if there was heartbeat. She hesitated, but said yes, she would. She said if she was quiet, that was a bad sign, but that the external would be harder to see much. So I told myself not to get upset during the external. She got started and during the external she didn't say much. Adam could see the screen but I couldn't. At one point I mouthed to him, asking if he could see anything and he sort of shrugged.  She did her measurements and whatnot and then told me to use the restroom and undress for the external. My bleeding was slowing a little bit at this point.

The internal seemed to take FOREVER. Toward the beginning she did tell us that she saw a heartbeat. She showed me the screen for just a second and honestly I thought the heartbeat looked slow, so I didn't even let myself feel a lot of relief. So then she went back to measuring and all that.  The worst part was when she wanted to examine my ovaries. I had to physically push down on my stomach with my hands and hold it there for a long time.  My arms ached and I was so tired--at this point it was probably after 1 am and I had taken half a unisom before I went to lay down at 10 pm. So that part sucked. Finally, she was done and she asked me if I was sure about my last period date. I said I was very sure (April 9th). I turned to Adam and said that I thought that meant the baby wasn't measuring correctly.  Then the tech said that I was actually measuring ahead at 9 weeks (actually I swear she said 9 weeks 3 days, but later they told me 9, so I'm going with that until my next ultrasound). I think that was the moment I felt relief. She also said the heartbeat was measured at 185 beats per minute, which was very good. She said the PA would tell me more after the report was processed.

So after we got back to our room, we waited some more. The sweet nurse came in and she was so happy to hear that we had a heartbeat! I updated my mom (I'd been calling her every time we had a shred of news) and my facebook baby/ttc group and then we waited. The PA came back and confirmed what we knew, that the baby measured great and had a great heartbeat. She said the bleeding was caused by a subchorionic hemorrhage. She described it as "small" measuring 5.2 x 0.6 x 3.8 cm. She said that it puts me at a higher risk of miscarriage, but for now the baby looks good. She said to take it easy and follow up with my OB the next day.  Later I read the ultrasound report and they measured the baby as 2.31 cm which corresponds to 9 weeks 0 days and that the cervix was closed and measuring 3.6 cm.

I stayed home Tuesday and Wednesday, resting and taking it very easy. I spoke to my OB office and they said my upcoming appointment scheduled for the following Tuesday was  a perfect time to check on everything. They said to take it easy, but that I could work as long as I was sitting most of the time. They said to call if I went through more than a pad in an hour.

Tuesday and Wednesday the bleeding slowed to mostly spotting and later in the week it turned from red/pink to brown, which is old blood and I took as a good sign.  I'm still spotting two weeks later, to varying degrees.

All in all, I feel ok. I'm obviously more nervous than I was before this happened. I have moments where I'm sure it's going to be ok, and I have moments where I worry. I never pictured going through something like this.  I'm so grateful that the baby is still with us and I pray every day that it stays with us.

Right now, they just want me to have weekly ultrasounds until the SCH resolves. My next ultrasound it tomorrow. The doctor's office also called today and wants me to be seen for a weight check too.  I've lost between 10-15 lbs since I got pregnant, which is very normal for me, I lost weight in the first trimester with both the boys. But for one reason or another, they are watching that too.

Thank you in advance for any prayers or well wishes you can send!  Baby number 3 really appreciates it and so do we!

Staycation 2015

Thanks for the comments on my last post ladies!!  You're so sweet!

Last week, Adam and I took off work to spend some time with the kiddos (before Tyler goes back to school NEXT WEEK) and to accomplish a few things on the house.  The weather wasn't exactly cooperative (rainy, stormy at times and HOT) but we did manage to paint our bedroom (which included the walls, ceiling, and trim) and Tyler's room (just the walls). I feel pretty good about that, as I wanted to tackle two projects and that qualifies, although I would have liked to tackle something bigger that will be more of a challenge on a weekend.  We went with a warm tan/sandy color in our room and although I'd planned to do white in Tyler's room, he convinced me to let him pick a color (with guidance) and chose a light blue, which I ended up being happy with.  I was very sad to paint over his stamped paw prints, though!  It broke my heart a little bit! We did leave one behind, at his request, and I'll just paint it over before we move.  Oh, I did have a bit of an issue when we were taping off Tyler's room.  I was finishing taping the ceiling and had just one piece left to put up. I was trying to reach, using a three step step ladder.  As I was reaching, I thought "I'd better just get down and move over, or I'm going to fall.  So I started to get down. And the ladder tipped over and I fell.  Oops.  I actually cracked my head pretty hard on the door frame as I went down, which was a little scary.  Luckily, aside from a bad bump and a headache, I felt okay, not dizzy or anything.  I had put my hands out though, and the pinkie on my left hand got sore pretty quickly and swelled a bit.  I sat down for a few minutes to make sure I was okay, and then we went ahead and painted.  I felt fine, just a little sore and then a lot sore the last few days, pulled muscles and stuff. My head is still tender and muscles in my upper arms and neck are pretty sore.  My pinkie is still swollen, stiff, and aching, so I am wearing a little splint on it, which makes typing interesting. My backspace button is getting a workout!

Other than painting, I tried to take the kids to the park, but it was too muddy, so I let them play a few minutes at the indoor playground at chick fil a, but that was pretty awful--crowded and the lack of manners of the kids there made me crazy.  Instead, we took the kids to to Monkey Joe's on Friday, which of course they loved.  And they are still young enough that they are tired after about an hour, so that works for me!  Adam and mom both go auctions, so they spent some time on that.

Friday was our 11 year anniversary (can't believe that) so we planned to go out, but it was really storming and literally POURED for like 5 hours, so we stayed home and went out Saturday night instead.  We had dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then drove around for awhile, looking at houses for fun.  Then we got some fro yo at Orangeleaf (YUM).  After that we hemmed and hawed over what to do and ended up at Goodwill, where Adam found some awesome deals to sell on Ebay.  Then we stopped at Walmart to get a curtain rod for Tyler's room and got AJ some socks (I swear, he has dragon claws, he gets holes in all his socks) and got the kids some PJs.  We laughed at how dull the evening probably seemed, but we had a really good time anyway.

So there you have it, our staycation!  I leave you with pictures!

AJ got ahold of my phone. He also erased all my pictures. Thank goodness for auto back up!

Tyler at Monkey Joes

AJ getting ready to slide!

Whee!

Farewell Pawprints! (And our initials, which Adam put there way back when)

Painting-Adam, you're doing it wrong

Bedroom color-it's actually a bit lighter than this. The other pic I took, you can't even tell it's not white

Tyler's room--it's blue, I promise. #bad lighting Also pictured: Coconut the Monkey's whole family and my old friend Whiskers the seal

My boo-boo

Need to recommitt

As my ticker reflects, my weight loss has taken a hit in the last few months.  It started slowly, at first I just plateaued, then slowly I started to gain a few of those pounds back.  I wasn't working out as much and I was not making good food choices. 

I have had to admit that I am definitely a comfort eater.  If I've had a rough day, if I'm stressed, I tend to make poor food choices, or treat myself.  Life has been stressful lately and with it being birthday season around my house (we have 5 birthdays within less 33 days!  Michelle's, mine and Angies, my mom, and Adam all between April 27th and May 30, plus at least 3 other birthdays in the close family and friends) there is a lot of leftover cake to resist.  When we get busy, we also tend to eat out more.  Adam and I will forego making our lunches in favor of eating out.  And lets face it, when I eat out I want to eat what I want. I don't want to go order a salad every time.  I try to watch the portions, but it's very hard.  Add that to the fact that I've been run down and just not feeling my best physically, plus stress (car issues, working on the house, family stress, work stress etc etc etc) and it's a recipe for disaster for my waistline.

The bottom line is my clothes are getting tight and I'm starting to hate how I look in them again.  I see myself in photos and I don't like what I see.  Of course when I gain weight I gain it in my tummy.  I don't like how I look or feel.  I need to change it.  I worked too hard to lose all that weight to gain it all back. So I am recommitting.  Adam and I are going to eat in more (which also helps save money) and I'm going to start working out again.  I am going to track my calories--I hate doing it, but it really makes me more accountable.

So here we go. If I put it out there, maybe it will help me stick to it.

My life is so full of random events, here's a random update post about it.

Whew, so much to update!  I'm realizing this blog has become something of a personal journal (with a few readers/commenters, which pleases me to no end!  Hi Ladies! Thanks for reading and commenting!), but I think I'm okay with that.   I want to remember a lot of this stuff, especially things with the kids, so it might not be thrilling reading, but that's okay.

Where to start...let's see...

I had my polyp removed and it was massive!  I should have named it.  Yes they showed it to me. Yes it was gross.  The procedure was pretty uncomfortable, but only took 10 minutes or so. I was sore for a few days too.  They had to use two different medications/techniques on the site, so that was a little yucky for a week or so.  They'd also performed my pap and on Monday I checked the online system and saw a message to call the doctors office. Turns out my pap was abnormal, but when I talked to the nurse the next day she assured me it was because of the polyp (the cells simply didn't all look the same), and the pathology report was benign and my HPV test was negative.  I'll just need to repeat the pap next year (like normal).  So that's all good!

However, my period seems to be showing up today, which would be another 24 day cycle, just like two months ago.  A (our family "doctor"/PA) and I had discussed the short cycle thing and she suggested taking ovulation test to figure out if I'm just ovulating early.  I suppose it's possible that I am ovulating early.  I would seriously have to be ovulating around day 10-12 for this to be a "healthy" cycle though, and for a natural day 18-21 day ovulator, that seems awfully different.  Of course, that was pre-AJ, so who knows?  I guess I should get on Amazon and order some cheapies...

I took AJ for his 2 year check up.  I can't remember his height and weight, but she was happy with everything.  We've rescheduled his assessment with First Steps, since there are several sounds he can't make and he refuses to drink from a straw.  They'll come on the 17th.  When we were done talking about AJ, A dropped the bombshell--she's leaving.  We were both in tears over it.  I guess I'm not surprised--one of the great things about their practice is that they have evening and weekend hours and accept walk ins.  That translates to long days and evening and weekend hours. She has two kids, each slightly younger than Tyler and AJ, and she doesn't live super close to the office. Long story short, she wants to spend more time at home, so she's moving to an OB/GYN office in a town just to the west of Indy.  I completely understand and wish her nothing but the best, but we are going to miss her like crazy.  She gave me her email address and said to keep in touch.  Now I need to decide what to do.  I like the other providers in the practice, but not really enough to stay with them.  I'm going to look for family practices, I think, and probably closer to home (this office is on the west side. We were living around there when I started going and kept driving the distance from the southside because we loved A so much. It was sort of a pain to take the kids all the way up there for visits, though it was kind of convenient when I had appointments, since it's not too far from work on the north side).  It's overwhelming and I'm sort of doubtful to find a provider that I'm as comfortable with as I was with A.  I did tell her I'd like to be her patient at her new practice, even just for yearly exams!  I'd think even consider going there for OB care, if we have another baby, although that would depend on what hospitals they used.  Their office wouldn't really be convenient to work or home, but a certain amount of travel is worth it to me to keep in touch with her!

I also had my eyes checked.  The last few years, I've been finding places that offer something called OptiMap.  It's basically a fancy camera that can take a picture of the back side of our eye, without dilating the pupils with drops.  I hate having my eyes dilated.  However, my rheumatologist said that with the new medication I'm taking for the lupus-ish (remember, I'm not officially diagnosed), I really need to stick with seeing a true Ophthalmologist, and dilation is really the best way to monitor my eyes for any changes that could be caused by the medication.  The appointment was fine and the dilation was unpleasant but manageable.  The most notable part of the visit was when the nurse was confirming my information and I glanced at the computer screen and informed her that I wasn't Melissa Hyphenatedlastname-LastName.  She then asked if my last appointment was in January.  I said, no, I was a new patient.  It turns out, there was some mix up in there system and my file was intermixed with the file of ANOTHER Melissa LastName who--get this--has the SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME.  *Cue Twilight Zone Music*  Seriously, how weird is that?  Another person with my first AND last name AND birthday?!  Oh and her hyphenated last name, which I'm assuming is a maiden name, is a COLOR.  My maiden name was also a color, though a different color.  LOL mind spinning.  Onwards.

What else? Ugh this is what I get for waiting too long to update.  Oh, here's another super random LOL moment. Yesterday on lunch, I went to do a little clothes shopping for school clothes for Tyler.  On the way home from work, I was pulling things out of the bag to show Adam and I found a cordless phone.  Apparently the cashier had accidentally folded the phone up with the clothes and it ended up in my shopping bag!  I call the store (hoping they had a second hand set!) and told them about it.  The saleslady laughed. I said I'd drop it by in a day or two and she offered some in store credit if I did.  So random!  Lots of randomness lately!  Chickens and Dopplegangers and Wayward Phones!

Updates and things

Updates!  With Bullets!  Just Because!

• Adam's mom was released from the hospital on Friday! And what's more amazing is that her kidney function has returned!  I'm shocked but very grateful.  I haven't spoken directly to her or Adam's stepdad and he never thinks to ask the right questions, so I'm not 100% sure she's totally off dialysis or not, but either way she's doing great. She did so well with physical therapy at the hospital that they decided she could go straight home instead of to rehab
• I had my second appointment with my rheumatologist last week. From what she told me, I have some features of lupus, but since it has such a wide spectrum of severity she doesn't seem to classify it as full blown lupus.  The main thing is for now my bloodwork looks pretty good and I feel okay most of the time and it could stay like this forever, so they'll just keep an eye on things and we'll see how it goes.  My bloodwork showed low white blood cell counts (it always is) and although my sed rate (indicates inflammation) was higher than in the past, it was still within normal ranges.  The only other thing that was high was my carbon dioxide level, but since she didn't say anything about it when she called (I viewed all the results online later) and it was only 2 points above normal, I'm guessing it's just borderline and not a problem.  I do have to go back to give a urine sample, which I couldn't give last week because of my lovely monthly visitor (see next bullet).
•  Last weekend I took Tyler to the school playground to play with his friend Lorelei and her little sister Lexi AND to have some time to chat with Lorelei's mom.  Fun was had by all! :)  Oh and I attended my second PTA meeting.  How weird is that? I'm a PTA mom!
• In the last week I have had one car in the shop for a bad sensor (our van, the third time since we bought it that we have had that problem), one car for body work (from getting rear ended.  Did I mention that here?  If I didn't, yes we got rear ended, no major damage, no injuries, but a new bumper is needed, so there you go), a new battery on our lawn mower (new to us and annoyingly temperamental so far), and two rental/loaner cars (see cars in shop!).  So things have been hectic!
• I've also been struggling with filling in for someone at my company.  IN CANADA.  So yeah, that's different.  I think after about 2 weeks, I finally get the gist, so hopefully it will go smoother now.  Still not sure why the powers that be didn't train me while the girl was still working here, she did give notice!
• Lady-stuff sharing (you've been warned)...My period is all out of whack.  First of all, spotting.  For awhile now, on and off since AJ was born and then consistently the last few months, I've been spotting for a few days before I get a full blow period.  This is annoying, especially since my periods are a full 5-6 days NOT counting spotting, but I didn't think that much of it.  Also, this year I'd seemed to gotten into a somewhat predictable routine of a short(er) month and a slightly longer month.  Like one month would be 27-29 day and the next would be 31-33 days.  I've followed the pattern since about November of last year.  My theory is that my longer cycles are coming from the ovary attached to the twisted ovary (the left one, I think, incidentally the same one that didn't fill during my HSG).  My doctor noted that during the surgery looking for endometriosis years ago.  However, this month should have been a "long" month, but I started spotting on CD22 and full blown AF showed up two days later, resulting in a 24 day cycle.  In all my years of tracking my periods (basically since the fall of 2007 when we started TTC Tyler) I have NEVER had a cycle that short.  Then I thought I was done around Friday midday but NOPE!  Saturday evening I was suddenly bleeding again.  It never got very heavy, but another 3 days of spotting followed.  I called shenanigans.  And my doctor.  
• I went to see said doctor yesterday and apparently I have a cervical polyp, which is causing the spotting in between periods.  So yay.  She told me to call my OB/GYN (My doctor (well, she's a PA) does my yearly exams typically, but for this I need to see a true OB/GYN) and schedule to have it removed.  She said these are usually benign and not a big deal, but it should come off.  I called my OBs office today and found out that she has left the practice and now works in McCordsville, with is about 35 minutes from home and work.  That's not going to work.  So I asked to be scheduled with Dr. A, who I've only met a couple of times, but she did my C-Section, since she was on call at the time and she seemed nice enough. Amber faxed over a report and they'll call me to schedule. Apparently these are usually done on a "procedure day" which is typically the first Wednesday of the month, so for now I'm assuming that'll be happening next Wednesday.  Seriously what's up with my body?   It just doesn't seem to work right!
• As for the short cycle, we aren't sure what that's about.  Amber encouraged me to talk to the OB, especially since we are considering trying to conceive again.  They may decide to prescribe femara right out, instead of struggling against short or irregular cycles.  She said some OBs will do this and some won't. So we'll see.  I guess it's officially time to make that decision.  I don't know why I'm having so much trouble committing to it.

I'm sure there is more, but I can't think of it now and really that turned into quite enough!

Three years ago and a prayer request

Prayer request first.  Twin sissy has been in the hospital since Saturday with gallstones and pancreatitis.  Me no likey.  So it looks like she'll be having her gallbladder out tomorrow.  She's never had surgery before, so please send her any prayers, thoughts and positive juju that you can!  I loves her much!

Since this a serious post, I just also need to recognize that it's been three years yesterday since I lost my little butterfly (Posts HERE and HERE).  I may not have known I was pregnant for more than a few days, but I still remember and think about it sometimes.

And poor AJ had an ear infection complete with extreme non-AJ like days (extremely scary lethargy) and a fever of 103.  So yeah, not a great few days for us. Le Sigh.

My Appointment and Some Results

So I had my first appointment with my rheumatologist on Tuesday.  I walked away with mixed feelings.  She was very nice.  And everyone I met said great things about her, said I would get excellent care from her.  But I ended up getting intimidated and clamming up, not stopping her to make sure to ask all the questions I wrote down.  Silly me.

As I said, she was very nice.  She went over my history and asked lots of questions.  Then she had me change into the lovely gown and she did a quick physical exam.

Wish I'd worn socks.  Time to repaint the toenails.

Then she had me change again and brought in the other doctor, just to let him look at my eye.  I was a good sport about it, I'm used to people wanting to take a peek at it, since you're very unlikely to see it again (for the backstory on my freaky eye, click here).  Then he left and she went over all my blood test results from my regular doctor and told me about some of the tests they want to run now.

She wasn't too concerned about my blood counts, she said lots of women have low white blood cell counts.  I was a little surprised with that, since there was a correlation in what I was reading about auto immune disorders and low WBC counts, but whatever, I guess they could be unrelated.  She confirmed that my ANA was positive, but noted that she wanted to run it again, as the result depends on the person running the test (I guess her lab is more specialized in these sorts of tests so they'll be more accurate).  She also wanted to run several tests that were sort of already run before, but in a more specific, broken down way, so that she can be sure the results are clear. She also said that early miscarriages can be related to auto immune problems, so that's something they'll be looking for. Finally, she wanted to get some X-rays of my back and pelvis, since my back pain has been so severe at times.  She seemed less concerned about my knees, but said that she more suspected osteoarthritis was the cause of that pain, and that it could be that even though my blood isn't show signs of a lot of inflammation. She said we could see about X-rays on them later if needed.  I'm realizing now I should have pushed to go ahead and do that, but I got overwhelmed and just went with it.

So she gave me the orders for the blood work and X-rays and sent me off, saying that she'll see me in 3-4 months, but she'd call me when the blood work came in, which could take up to two weeks.

I made an appointment for September 18th and trotted off for my blood-letting and radiation exposure (lol).  The phlebotomy (check out my terminology) took a healthy six vials of blood before I scooted off to disrobe again (this time I didn't even get to keep my bra--underwires) and have myself X-rayed.  That was fairly uneventful other than my hip not appreciating the lack of padding on the table and my back being generally annoyed these days, but after that I was done and on my way.

Oh, and when the nurse took my temperature, it showed I had a fever. I never run a fever.  Seriously, I'm one of those people that sit right about 97 degrees all the time.  My throat had been scratchy and AJ's got a runny nose and major case of the fussy's so by the next today, we all have it to varying degrees.  My fever has finally taken a hike, thankfully, so that's a start.

I was quite surprised when my Dr. L (the rheumatologist) called me this afternoon. I hadn't expected to hear from her until all the results were in.  She said that my X-rays looked good. My ANA is still positive but the rest of my bloodwork looked okay, including blood tests specific to Lupus.   She's still waiting on a few more tests, but at this point she says that my symptoms and the positive ANA "mimic lupus".  So at this point, she's not saying I have lupus, but that there are other things that have similar symptoms.  She wants me to start taking plaquenil, which is often used to treat lupus and other auto immune issues. It prevents inflammation and should help with the joint pain, fatigue and other symptoms.  She said the medication takes awhile to work though, around three months to start helping and it will do more the longer you take it.  And it's safe during TTC and pregnancy, if we chose to pursue that.

When she called, I was holding a sleeping AJ, so again I didn't really have a chance to ask a bunch of questions.  I'd like to get more details on all this, so I'll try to do that when (if?  she didn't say specifically) she calls with the rest of the test results.  Otherwise, I can get more information at my next appointment.

So there we have it, for now.  I'm glad to find out that she doesn't think this stuff is in my head and that maybe this medication will help in the long term.  It's intimidating not to know for sure what it is or what it could become, but she seems optimistic about everything.  I feel like at least I'm dealing with a good doctor, though I need to work on pushing for more information from her. 

Thank you all so much for your kind comments on this...I can't tell you what your concern means to me, I'm really touched!  <3  This has been unexpected, but so many things are in life.  So thanks for reading and thanks for your thoughts and prayers! 

Things that make you go hmmmm

I had planned for my next post to be about my thoughts on possibly trying to have a third baby.  But then something happened that put those thoughts on hold, at least somewhat.

I went to my doctor about two weeks ago.  I'm still stuck on this stupid plateau, probably mostly because I haven't been doing that well on sticking to my diet food-wise, but I was also frustrated because pain in my knees was keeping me from doing my workouts full-out.  I've been having particular problems with my right knee, which I always depend on being the "good" knee.  I've had two surgeries on my left and it's just weaker. It hurts and gives out and I just don't trust it much, so when my right knee started to hurt during certain moods, I knew it wasn't a good thing.  My workouts (I am partial to Jillian Michael's DVDs) are very heavy on the squats and lunges and I was actually getting pretty good at most of them (aside from left leg only squats, I don't know if I'll ever be able to do much with that).  But suddenly I couldn't do much bending with weight on a leg without pretty significant sharp pains in my knees. 

Since I had a few other minor issues, I decided it was time to see my doctor.  I see a Physician's Assistant, actually and I've mentioned before that I love her to death.  I went to see her on May 20th.  We had a good talk and she decided that my knee pain could be one of a couple things.  It could be an injury, maybe even a partially torn tendon, although I didn't recall a certain OW moment, just a gradual increase in pain.  But she also was suspicious of something like arthritis, particularly because my knees are not the only thing that hurt on an every day basis.  I also have had trouble with my lower back, neck, feet and more occasionally, my hips, wrists and elbows.  These range from minor to severe (particularly my back, which I've talked about here before and my neck, which mostly causes very bothersome headaches).  So in the end, she decided to do a battery of blood tests and also send me to physical therapy.

Since it was just before a long holiday weekend and they were ordering quite a few tests, Amber told me that the results probably wouldn't be back until the next week.  I scheduled an appointment with the physical therapist and waited.  Tuesday afternoon on the way home, Amber called with my results.  The good things were that my cholesterol was great (yay!), and actually my rheumatoid factor and sed rate (both indicators of arthritis) were both normal.  My white blood cell count was only slightly low (pretty good number for me, since I usually run quite low).  My vitamin D level was also low.  She said they'd like to see a level of 50, and mine was 28, so she wanted me to start taking extra supplements. I already take a multi-vitamin, but now I'm taking 2000 iu more a day. 

The main concern was that my results showed positive for something called ANA.  That stands for anti-nuclear antibodies.  Apparently, a positive result can be an indicator of an auto-immune disease.  The results come back with a number that has something to do with diluting the sample.  The higher the number, the more dilution is necessary (higher=more ANA in the blood, which is not a good thing).  It's done in a series--1:40, 1:80, 1:160, 1:320 and so one.  My result was 1:1280, so that's high.  It's also classified by the pattern such as homogeneous, speckled, centromer, etc.  My result had a speckled pattern. So, long story short, my doctor was quick to refer me to a rheumatologist.  She did say that another test the run that can point to an auto immune problem (ENA) was negative.

The rhuemotologist insists on a two week window before any new appointment, so they can get your records.  They asked me to call my doctor to remind them to send them over, so I'm betting they already have them by now, but still I have to wait until June 17th for an appointment.  I really hate having things hanging over my head.  Of course I've been spending time pouring over my test results and googling like crazy, but basically the bottom line is, it could be something or not.  With as high as my titer (that's the term for the number on the result) is, it's pretty unlikely that it's NOTHING.  I'm the type of person that good or bad, just prefers to KNOW what I'm dealing with.

I'm conflicted too, I've dealt with pain like this for a long time. It would be nice, in a way, to know that there is a reason for the pain and tiredness that I've tried to convince myself were normal.  And yet I don't want it to be something scary, as silly as that sounds.  Years ago, probably close to 10 years ago, I tried to find out if it was indicative of some sort of problem, but at the time, all seemed normal.  I don't know if they tested my ANA back then or not. 

The more I read up on some of the possibilities, the more I think that certain things could fit.  For example, my low white blood cell count can be a symptom of auto-immune diseases.  So could the mouth ulcers I've gotten on and off since high school--they aren't fever blisters, they are actually in my mouth and are terribly painful.  I've recently noticed several small rashes and itching on my arms and elbows.  Infertility and pregnancy loss can even be related.  But all of these things could be totally unrelated too.

So I wait for answers. In the meantime, my doctor prescribed some cream for my rashes and an anti-inflammatory/pain reliever called meloxicam.  So far, I'm not noticing a difference with the medication.  For now, I'm doing my workouts as much as I can (though my PT said no squats or lunges for a week) and going to therapy.  My PT Kathy is very nice.  Apparently, my knees are a mess (not surprising).  My kneecaps are crooked, my left leg has significantly undefined muscles compared to my right, and she's found several weak spots we're working on.  Yesterday she taped my kneecaps into the right positions and that feels really weird and actually makes them ache, but hopefully it will help.

I'm not good at waiting.