Not Nine

He is not nine. Not my first baby.

But he is. It doesn't seem possible that I've been his mom for nine entire years. He loves to hear the story of when he was born, how it had snowed more that a foot and how we were up all night. Then when we dozed off and he started crying Adam and I had that moment where we realized we were really parents and we had to take care of this little human.

It's so awesome to watch him grow and change and develop. He's such a cool little person. He does great in school and chatters away about the smallest things. He makes friends easily. He's sensitive and sweet and funny. He loves computers and video games and anything technological. He is steadfast that he wants to be a YouTuber when he grows up. He is still a picky eater and still small for his age (something he is aware of and a little sensitive about). He is full of energy and fun!  He loves his little brother and always wants to be affectionate to him, even when AJ resists! He wants a little sister, which breaks my heart just a little!

He had a great birthday (I'm late posting this, of course. His birthday was January 28). Friday, I took a long lunch and drove down to have lunch with him at school. The school is about a 40 minute drive from work (since traffic wasn't an issue) but the look on his face when he was me made it well worth the time! He knew I was coming, of course, but boy was he excited!

Might have to zoom--Running to me with his arms out

Happy to see me--or the McDonalds I brought with me

Saturday we did our usual errands and let Tyler pick where we ate lunch. He chose Arni's because he loves their cheese fries. It poured rain all day, but that didn't stop us. Both boys needed new shoes, so we stopped at Target after lunch. AJ got yet another pair of Paw Patrol shoes (in a size 12!) and Tyler got his first pair of (SOB) big boy shoes in a size 1. I know most kids his age have probably passed this milestone before the age of 9, but not my little guy!

Posing with Target Dog (in their old shoes)

I spent the afternoon running around like mad trying to find his birthday gifts. I succeeded, but it took 7 stores and paying $15 more for one item than I would have paid if I'd ordered the darn thing online, but oh well!

Sunday was his actual birthday. I baked chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting (and letter candies and sprinkles, per Tyler). We let him pick dinner and he wanted to order pizza. He got two new games for his Nintendo Switch, a game for his DS (see above note about loving video games), plus Monopoly Pokemon (see note about paying $15 too much), a Minecraft hat, several game pieces for his Monopoly Gamer board game (which is actually a pretty fun game), and a gift card(that's from us, Michelle, Angie, and her finacee Jon). He was thrilled with everything, of course!

Loot!

Wonder what he wished for? And AJ being cute even blurry.

All smiles

Opening said loot

The boys love their board games. We have at least 4 versions of Monopoly alone

 I could tell he felt special all weekend and loved every second of it and that just makes my heart melt! I just love these boys more than I could ever have imagined possible!!!

Oh, I must include a couple random AJ pictures...He's been going through a phase of skipping his nap (yes he still naps at 5 years old. Because he can and because he is cranky by 7:30 if he doesn't!  The kid also wakes up at like 5 am most days, which is annoying, but he just seems to have his own schedule)--anyway, he keeps falling asleep before bedtime. Photo evidence:

Fell asleep sitting up

Mid-bounce? Not really. He was actually pouting and fell asleep.

And so my baby turned nine. We aren't talking about what number comes next. I still have three hundred and fifty-odd days before I have to think of that. We are also not thinking about how I registered AJ for Kindergarten recently...

Memory Box

Life has been crazy, so I'm finally getting around to posting about the memory box I put together after my miscarriage. I drafted it awhile ago, but kept forgetting to take pictures! 

So I mentioned that on the second day after my surgery, I went out and bought a memory box.  I'm not sure what drove me to want to do this so urgently.  At the time I wasn't sure I even had enough things to warrant a box. I guess I wanted something that belonged to the baby or something to take out and look at when I needed to. But that morning, less than 48 hours after my surgery, mom was getting ready to run errands with the kids and I asked if I could go with her and if we could stop at a craft store so I could pick up a few things.  She agreed. I think she was glad I wanted to get out of the house.

We went Hobby Lobby and Michaels. I found a photo box that I liked and picked up some things to decorate the inside lid and a photo sleeve for one of the ultrasound pictures.  We ran errands and ate lunch out, probably one of the first decent meals I had eaten in awhile.  Once we got home, I rested awhile (I'd probably overdone it a little) but later that afternoon I got out my supplies and decorated the inside lid with flowers, an ultrasound pictures and a little bit of sparkle.

The box:

Purple of course. In my defense, I didn't know the baby was a boy until after I bought this

Inside the lid:

Again, probably a little girly. Sweet angel boy.

It's contents:

And here's a full list of it's contents, with photos:

• Pregnancy tests 

 

The expired strip was the first test I took, then confirmed with the $.88 test

• Hospital Bracelet
• These are paperweights I made from flowers from my bouquets. My mom did some like this after Nicky died. You can buy resin kits at the hobby stores. They were molded in the little bubbles you get toys in from the quarter machines at grocery stores. See how to do this here. 

It felt good to make things for baby. And for me.

• Photo Album (contains photos of tests, the owls we gave mom to tell her, the facebook announcement photos, and the flowers sent by my friend and my coworkers)--I got this at Walmart for like a dollar or two and it says "I love you to the moon and back" which I say to Tyler every night before bed. PERFECT
• The little purple hart was given to me at support group. There's a tiny purple heart and a bigger purple heart with a small heartshaped hole in it. They give these to every mom that miscarries. At their memorial, the mother's put the tiny heart with the ashes so that the baby has a piece of her heart and the mom keeps the larger heart.  The passage reads "Lovingly and tenderly handmade for you by those who care and share with you in this difficult time. We prayed today that 'the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, wil guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' Phil 4:7"
• Another item from support group--A card (with a butterfly on it) and inside, a ribbon holding a tiny gold ring. The passage reads "The ring is a perfect circle, the circle is never-ending just like your love for your baby. Everlasting love was present when you learned you were pregnant. As your baby is loved back to God, please accept this ring as a symbol of your pure love. Psalm 117:2 Great is His steadfast love toward us."
• The pink ribbon is from a vase of flowers my dear buddy (my coworker and I call each other buddy) sent me.

Gifts and memories

• A sweet card from Tyler's friend's family and my sweet cousin, plus a card from the surgery center staff (I realized there were addresses all over these, forgive the sloppy editing)
• Cards from the flowers from work and Buddy (my friend and I call each other Buddy)
• Notes from Buddy and A (another coworker) that they left on my desk when I was out

• Ultrasound photos, taken at 8 weeks, 9 weeks, and 10 weeks.

I like the earliest u/s picture the most, even though baby looks like a peanut. You can't see the SCH in that shot (the largest print)

• Print out of our facebook pregnancy announcement and comments
• Print out of our facebook loss announcement, comments, and my posts from my TTC group
• Print outs of texts and emails from friends and family  

I like to read these sometimes to remember that others knew about and cared about the baby.

• A tin of dried flowers/petals from my bouquets. I bought these special beads that pour over fresh flower. You put them in a bowl and microwave them (or let them set a few days) and they dry out.

Now I can keep them forever.

I'm glad I did this. I can definitely see the box sitting on a shelf or in my closet.  For now it's on my nightstand. I can see myself getting it down and going through it from time to time, and eventually probably on my due date (1/14) or on 6/28. I can see myself showing the items to the boys when they are older.  I'm not sure how we'll handle things with the boys. Tyler knows, obviously, but talking about it right now upsets him, so we aren't pushing the issue, just trying to watch for any signs that it's bothering him. I want it to be like how Angie, Michelle and I just always knew about Nicky and that we weren't sad about it, it just was.  I'm not sure it can be that way for Tyler, I think he might always remember that day.  But I don't think AJ will. I hope someday they will want to sit down and look at the items.

Traditional New Year Post!

 Predictably absent from the blog for most of November and December. Seriously, that ALWAYS happens!  Anyway, updates to come shortly (I hope), but for now, obligatory New Year's post!  It's 2016!?

1. What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?  I traveled outside the U.S. for the first time, to Canada.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't really make resolutions, per se, but I wanted to refocus on fitness and I didn't really manage that.  My focus for most of the year was making progress on the house, and we did make some good progress.  This year, I really want to FINISH the home improvement projects and sell this place!!  Next New Years I hope we are in our forever home!  I would love to get back to my fitness goals as well, and Kelly and I really want to get closer to trying to get our book published. I think of these as goals more than resolutions. Is there a difference, really?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My dear friend Mandy had her adorable son Kellan!!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Hmm, I don't think so, not this year.

5. What countries did you visit? Canada!  It was fun and cold!

6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you didn’t have in 2015? I would like to be able to buy a bigger house that suits my growing family better! (same answer as last year AND the year before)

7. What dates from 2015 will be etched upon your memory, and why? Hmmmm...I don't know of any particular date this year that sticks out.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year? We made some awesome updates to the house.

9. What was your biggest failure?  :( Gained back some of the weight I lost...Boo

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?  I hurt my pinkie finger over the summer while painting Tyler's room...it still bugs me a little bit. 

11. What was the best thing you bought? I guess I'd say my Galaxy S4, so much better than my old phone.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Always Adam for rolling with the punches and putting up with me!  Tyler doing so awesome in school!  AJ for learning so much!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? SOOOO many terrible shootings! Depressing!

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, diapers, food

15. What did you get really excited about? House hunting, which keeps getting put off, but is still fun! 

16. What song will always remind you of 2015? Fight Song by Rachel Platten

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Happier! Fatter (Boo)  I'd say slightly richer (money isn't tight quite so much).

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Eating better and working out more

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stressing out

20. How did you spend Christmas? We stayed home with mom and my sisters. We had a big breakfast and a big dinner and relaxed.

21. Did you fall in love in 2015? More and more every day with my husband and kids

22. What was your favorite TV program? Big Bang Theory, Dancing with the Stars, and The Little Couple

 23. What was the best book you read? The Little Couple's book

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Rachel Platten

25. What did you want and get? To make progress on the house

26. What did you want and not get? A promotion and a new house!

27. What was your favorite film of 2015? Mockingjay Part 2 and Pitch Perfect 2

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33.  I worked as always (end of month), and my family celebrated me and twin.  I am happy to know that THIS year, my birthday is on a SATURDAY!

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I had had more time to take care of things

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2015? I am currently OBSESSED with Leggings!  They are seriously so comfy!  I swear, I only wear them with long sweaters though. I'm also in love with the boots gifted to me by work, which are super warm.

31. What kept you sane? My hubby, my kids, my mom, my sisters, my family, my friends, and my coworkers! Talking and writing and laughing and music!

32. What political issue stirred you the most? I do not get involved with politics if I can possibly help it, but please God, please Lord do not let Donald Trump become President.

33. Who did you miss? My sister, my grandparents and my great aunt. My family when I traveled

 34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015.  One thing at a time

 35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through Hell with you. Love, you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you" Stand by You-Rachel Platten

First Day of First Grade! And stuff

You guys, I have a First Grader!  How is that possible?  Tyler went back to school on Wednesday and he did great.  He was excited and full of news. I know he cried a few times, but that's just Tyler!

I got him dressed early Wednesday before work so I could take the obligatory First Day of school pictures.  He's so darn cute!!

Family photo!  Sorry it's blurry!

So big!

Notice Coconut the monkey hanging from his hand

#1 for First Grade!

Bye Gaga! (Don't worry, they aren't moving, therefore, no car seat)

Go Tyler!

Unfortunately, just like last year, he got sick by the end of the week! Friday night after school, my mom discovered he had a fever of 104.  Not good!  He spent a quiet weekend with a yo-yoing temp, but no other symptoms.  He finally has a normal temperature today, but the school says no school until he's been fever-free for 24 hours, so I had to keep him home.  Hopefully it's not a sign of a repeat of last year's absences!

Other updates:  Got our car back!  YAY!  It ended up costing us about $300 total, which considering our deductible was supposed to be $400, I'm saying it's a win!  They dealer was able to offer an appearance allowance for leaving some minor scratches and things.  We would have saved even more, but we opted to buy the insurance on our rental car, because we weren't feeling lucky.  Oh, and they fixed our broken wiper and we got a new battery too, since they said ours was going bad.  I'm ready to put it all behind me.

Last week was crummy.  I was tired and really busy at work and everything was just getting to me.  This week is shaping up better, although I'm not feeling great today, hope I'm not catching what Tyler had.

As always, thanks for reading, friends!   Here's one more pic of my boys!

*heart melts*

Kindergarten Grad!

I just realized I didn't blog about Tyler's last day of school!  I can't believe he's done with kindergarten already!!!

On the last day of school, they had an awards presentation for each group (the groups are a couple classes from each grade, I think K-3).  When I heard about it, I hemmed and hawed over if I should try to go or not. Obviously I wanted to, but it means taking time off work and it happened to fall on the 28th, which was the second-to-last day of the month, where I have to perform tasks that will allow me to invoice the jobs the next day.  It meant that I'd have to ask for someone else to cover for me, performing the transactions for the afternoon.

In the end, I talked it over with my boss and got it covered so I could leave early.  Adam look a late lunch and drove me home to get the van and drive over to the school.  I ended up being very glad I went!  When the parents filed into the gym and Tyler spotted me, he was so excited!  I could see him pointing me out to his friends.  I could tell it meant a lot to him that I'd come.  The parents sat in the bleachers while the kids sat in chairs on the floor, so I sat with a couple of his classmate's parents, which was nice. 

There he is, right in the middle, looking back at me and grinning like a goofball!

Each class gave out awards for perfect and near-perfect attendance and also two awards for what they called "Super Top Dog".  The school's mascot is a Bulldog, and as I've blogged about before, they give out a weekly "Top Dog" award, so this is kind of a TOP top dog award for the year.  I was surprised and THRILLED when they announced that Tyler had won Super Top Dog for his class!!  They also give out awards for each "specials" class (their word for PE, Art, Music, and Spanish) and Tyler won awards for Music and Spanish too!  He got to shake hands with the principal and stand up with the other winners while everyone applauded.  I was so proud of him!

Shaking hands with the principal as Super Top Dog!

After the awards were over, it was almost time for dismissal, so parents were allowed to go to their child's classroom and sign them out early.  When I got to Tyler's room, we collected his things and I wanted to get a quick picture with his teachers, so I asked him to give them a hug and tell them goodbye and wouldn't you know it, he burst into tears!  He said he was going to miss them!  He's my sweet sensitive little guy!  I reminded him that he'd see them again next year around the school.  I told his teacher, we started the year with tears and I guess we needed to end it that way too!  He did give them hugs and we headed out.  He cheered up pretty quickly as we chased down one of his little friends in the parking lot for a hug and promises of a playdate.

With Mrs. M, who is just the BEST, and teary eyes!

We headed home, stopping off for a celebratory Icee (he reminded me we'd gotten one on the first day of school so it was fitting to get one on the last day too).  When we got home, I took some last day of school pictures in the front yard.  We didn't plan it, but he actually wore the same shirt on the first and last days!  It's funny to see the photos side by side!

Getting so big!!!

He's my Super Top Dog!

Selfie action with Mommy!

All in all, Tyler did an amazing job this year and he learned so much, it really amazes me!  First Grade, here we come!

Seriously Six?!

I can't believe that six years ago, I became a mom!  I can't believe my sweet, smart, AMAZING Tyler is six years old today!  Last night, I told him about the day he was born and he seemed to really like to hear about it.  I told him about the snow and about our first reality check moment as parents.  This morning, I watched the clock for 6:17 am, the exact moment he entered my life.  I still can't believe how fast time flies!  Tyler, of course, had to go to school, but I was able to take a long lunch and go down to the school and take a little McDonald's and have lunch with him. It was so sweet to see him with his friends and see him be so excited to have us there (Adam came too, even though he was home sick with an awful head cold and almost no voice).  We also sent in cupcakes for his snack day in the classroom and the class all sang to him.  His best friend Lorelei made him a card and she and her mom gave him some cute little gifts and her mom video taped her singing Happy Birthday to him and posted it on face.book. It was SOOOO adorable!  Tonight, we got Steak N Shake for dinner (one of Tyler's favorites, he loves their vegetable soup, believe it or not) and then did presents and cake.  It was fun.  We also had a family party on Sunday at a pizza place nearby--a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Party of course!  It was fun and went off well, even at short notice (I booked the party on like Tuesday!).  So birthday win!

I've got more to say but I think I'm going to keep it Tyler-focused today, so stay tuned for more updates!

I will leave you with pictures!

Turtle Tyler ready for his party!

Cupcakes! Tyler prefers the icing

Turtle blimp!

Selfie with the birthday boy!

First Day Of Kindergarten!

I can't believe it, but my baby started kindergarten last week!  He's getting so big and I'm so proud of him!  It was a rough week for him, though, harder than we'd anticipated.  Since he's never been in daycare or preschool or anything, he's never really been anywhere without a family member.  He had moments of missing us and also moments we didn't predict.  He was anxious and worried about random things, like breaking instruments in music class or getting put in time out.  Poor guy was putting a lot of pressure on himself! 

Tuesday was the first day.  He was really excited!  Adam and I took the day off work so we could drop him off and pick him up and I'm really glad we did.  We got up, made his lunch, got him dressed (so cute in his khaki shorts and polo shirt!) and took lots of pictures.

Check out the Turtles Backpack--It's almost bigger than he is!

With Gaga

With Aunt Chall

So big!!! :*-)

Love this picture!

After our photo session it was time to go!  We drove to the school and Adam and I walked him into the school. He did great, finding his classroom pretty easily, meeting his teacher (Mrs. M), and putting his things in his cubby.  Daddy had to go back to the car because we'd forgotten the bag of extra supplies, so we went on and found his desk together and he got settled in to color a little while the kids were arriving.

Here we go!

So Brave!

Meeting new friends!

Sweet Selfie

Silly Selfie!

LOVE HIM!

His own cubby!

Still working on holding the pencil right

It was hard to leave!

He did great, even when it was time for us to leave!  He was brave and happy!  And I made it out of the classroom before I started crying.  I was happy and so proud but also worried for him.  The first day was a mixed bag. He had good moments and was bubbling over about it when he got home, but he had a few moments where he missed us too. 

The second day was rough.  Mrs. M called me and said he'd just been having a bit of a sad day.  He missed us and he seemed insecure and cried easily.  Thursday was much the same.  Unfortunately, Friday the sore throat he'd been complaining about had turned into sneezing, congestion, and a sore throat!  We took him to the doctor and they checked him for strep, which luckily he didn't have, but he had to stay home instead of going to school. Over the weekend, he continued to talk about being nervous. We talked a lot about it and it seemed like most of it was being afraid of getting in trouble or doing something wrong.  Bless his heart, he was so worried about that!  We assured him that getting in trouble is okay and happens to everyone, but that the things he thought he was going to get in trouble with just weren't really bad things (such as playing tag in gym--he thought that playing tag was hitting, which is against the rules).  We told him that if he did get in trouble, that was okay. That we'd talk about it and it was okay and we'd just start again.  Seeing how much he was struggling, I left a message and sent an email to Mrs. M. She was kind enough to let us stop by the school today and the four of us talked over all of it again.  Now Tyler says he isn't scared at all!  I'm so relieved and hopeful that this week will go much smoother. I know it's going to take time for him to be totally comfortable and to stop missing his family. But I'm just glad to know that his teacher really cares and is being patient with him.  Boy, this week I've seen just how much he is like me!  Easy to cry and can't always hold back the tears, sensitive and sometimes insecure.  And he is just so sweet, he melts my heart.  I know he's going to do great, we just have to get him used to the routine.

Unfortunately, I have to disrupt the routine already!  I have to go to Chattanooga tomorrow for work. Adam's a trooper and between him and mom, I'm sure they will handle it fine, but I'm definitely feeling the Mommy Guilt!

I'm so proud of my baby boy!  He's getting so big and he's so smart!  LOVE HIM!!!

I'll leave you with the very first picture Tyler did in Kindergarten.  It's pretty darn good in my humble opinion!

A work of art!