Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Monday, January 14, 2019
Monday, July 2, 2018
6.28.18
I'm sitting on a tiny bench in a love little oasis. A fountain in the pond burbles cheerfully. The sun is hot but a light breeze ruffles my hair. At my feet are flowers. In front of me is a birdbath. There are few toys scattered nearby.
It's a beautiful place, but it's a sad beauty.
The bench sits near the headstone commemorating too many babies gone to soon, including my Gabe. I find small comfort that I can visit this pretty place and do a tiny thing for the child I planned to do so much more for.
Two years ago you left us. I miss you, sweet baby boy.
It's a beautiful place, but it's a sad beauty.
The bench sits near the headstone commemorating too many babies gone to soon, including my Gabe. I find small comfort that I can visit this pretty place and do a tiny thing for the child I planned to do so much more for.
Two years ago you left us. I miss you, sweet baby boy.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Updates and THE BOOK!!!
Life has been SOOOO busy! The book is coming out TOMORROW! I can't believe it, it's so surreal! The book is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Black Rose Writing NOW! We'll be going live on Facebook tomorrow at 8:00 pm EST to do a reading, talk about the book, answer questions, and do a giveaway of an autographed copy of the book!
So exciting!
Live has been very busy! Time is short, so I'll stick to some photos for now!
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| Take cover! The book is here! |
Our Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/positivevoice02/
Our book blog: https://www.wordpress.com/positivevoicewrites
The book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Edge-My-World-Kelly-Backus/dp/1612969046/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499814715&sr=8-1&keywords=on+the+edge+of+my+world
Live has been very busy! Time is short, so I'll stick to some photos for now!
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| AJ wasn't a big fan of the noise of fireworks, so he wore my headphones |
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| On the one year anniversary of my miscarriage, I went to the cemetery and left a little rock with his name on it. <3 |
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| The boys have discovered sprinklers and water balloons. They're in love! |
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Dear Gabriel
Dear Gabriel,
Today I should be holding you in my arms.
Well, logically I know you'd have been born before today. Since your brother Tyler was an almost failed induction (and a three month recovery from the "success") and your brother AJ was born via C-Section, we were going to schedule your birth. But still, by today you would have been here with all of us. And you're not, which makes Mommy very sad today.
My little boy. In the months since you had to leave us, I've thought of you every day. I've watched other mommies as their time came near and now I've watched as they brought their sweet babies into the world. I'm so happy for them, but it's a sad reminder that you and I will never share that moment.
I am so grateful for the time we had together. You were such a surprise to me, I really wasn't expecting for you to come into my life when you did. You were a gift for me, the day before Mother's Day. It seemed meant to be! For the first time, I got to surprise our family with the news that you were coming. Daddy laughed, Gaga screamed, and Aunt G cried! Your big brother helped me make little owl crafts--one from Tyler, one from AJ, and one from you. We gave them to your Gaga for Mother's Day to tell her about you.
I carried you for just 11 and a half weeks. That doesn't seem so long, and it seems unfair that it was your entire lifetime. I'm so sorry for that. I feel as though I failed you, that my body failed us both. I wish I could have done more to keep you here.
You were strong, my Gabe. Everyone said so. When your life was threatened at 8 weeks, everyone said you were strong to still be with us then. And I'm so glad I got to see you. Four times I got to see you on the screen, watch your little heart beating--so fast! Your Daddy and I got to see you wave your arms and even nodd your head! It was a special moment, and one I cherish, so thank you for that. I know in the end, it was just too much.
We miss you, Gabe. Mommy misses you. Daddy and Gaga and Tyler and AJ and Aunt Chall and Aunt G, we all miss you. People knew about you. I tried to make sure of that. You were loved, you will always be loved.
Thank you for coming into my life, however briefly. I will always remember you and love you. As the boys grow older, I'll remind them that they had another brother. They will know you. I'll show them the little purple box (sorry, I didn't know you were a boy when I bought it and you know I love purple) and it's contents. They'll know of you as I know of your Aunt Nicky.
Watch over us with her and Butterfly, will you?
Love you always, to the moon and back.
Mommy
Today I should be holding you in my arms.
Well, logically I know you'd have been born before today. Since your brother Tyler was an almost failed induction (and a three month recovery from the "success") and your brother AJ was born via C-Section, we were going to schedule your birth. But still, by today you would have been here with all of us. And you're not, which makes Mommy very sad today.
My little boy. In the months since you had to leave us, I've thought of you every day. I've watched other mommies as their time came near and now I've watched as they brought their sweet babies into the world. I'm so happy for them, but it's a sad reminder that you and I will never share that moment.
I am so grateful for the time we had together. You were such a surprise to me, I really wasn't expecting for you to come into my life when you did. You were a gift for me, the day before Mother's Day. It seemed meant to be! For the first time, I got to surprise our family with the news that you were coming. Daddy laughed, Gaga screamed, and Aunt G cried! Your big brother helped me make little owl crafts--one from Tyler, one from AJ, and one from you. We gave them to your Gaga for Mother's Day to tell her about you.
I carried you for just 11 and a half weeks. That doesn't seem so long, and it seems unfair that it was your entire lifetime. I'm so sorry for that. I feel as though I failed you, that my body failed us both. I wish I could have done more to keep you here.
You were strong, my Gabe. Everyone said so. When your life was threatened at 8 weeks, everyone said you were strong to still be with us then. And I'm so glad I got to see you. Four times I got to see you on the screen, watch your little heart beating--so fast! Your Daddy and I got to see you wave your arms and even nodd your head! It was a special moment, and one I cherish, so thank you for that. I know in the end, it was just too much.
We miss you, Gabe. Mommy misses you. Daddy and Gaga and Tyler and AJ and Aunt Chall and Aunt G, we all miss you. People knew about you. I tried to make sure of that. You were loved, you will always be loved.
Thank you for coming into my life, however briefly. I will always remember you and love you. As the boys grow older, I'll remind them that they had another brother. They will know you. I'll show them the little purple box (sorry, I didn't know you were a boy when I bought it and you know I love purple) and it's contents. They'll know of you as I know of your Aunt Nicky.
Watch over us with her and Butterfly, will you?
Love you always, to the moon and back.
Mommy
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Wave of Light
In June of 2011, I had a miscarriage. A tiny baby I think of as Butterfly flitted in and out of my life in a matter of days. And suddenly I was the one in four women that has lost a child.
This year I experienced that pain again. This time I carried my sweet little boy Gabriel Wyatt beneath my own heart for 11 weeks and 3 days before we found out his own tiny heart had stopped. This was a familiar pain, but in a far more profound way than I had experienced it before.
Today, participating in the Wave of Light, I remember both of the babies that I'll never hold in my arms. Tonight I said a prayer for them, and for all the sweet children gone far too soon. May comfort come to all those who light their candles tonight.
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