Still alive!

I'm still here, still alive!  When I get quiet here it generally means that I am terribly busy at work and do NOT feel like touching my computer at night!  Literally it's basically workout, shower and zone out for what little time is left before bed!  I got the first HUGE project done late last week, so hopefully I'm over the hump, so to speak!  Anyway, up next, I plan to do a special post about our family Christmas tree that we put up yesterday, complete with pictures of some of my favorite ornaments!  Tyler was looking at them this morning and asking about each one, and since most of them are special and have been around a long time, I thought I'd write up a little post about them!

So that'll be up soon--I hope!

In the meantime, things are good, busy busy!  Thanksgiving was good (did I write about that?), the kids are good, still on track with working out--31 lbs down!!  I've decided I REALLY want to win the work challenge, because I need the money for new CLOTHES!  Nothing fits!  LOL good problem to have :)

More soon!

Two truths and a lie

Oops, I guess I left you hanging there! I'm sure the suspense was killing you.  So here it is: number one is the lie! But just barely! I really did break a bone just before the start of the fourth grade. But it was my arm, not my ankle!  I really did sell jewelry for awhile, for a direct sales company called Lia Sophia. And I did appear in a commercial too, when they filmed one at the ice skating rink where I took lessons. I don't know of anyone could tell it was me, but I knew!  That was fun, thanks for guessing ladies!

Two Truths and a Lie

Jenny at Dogs Aren't Kids posted this on her blog today, I thought it was fun and she tagged me (well, everyone) so I'm going to do it too! 

If you are reading this, you have to do it. I tagged you. Those are the rules.
Tell us 3 things about you and make 1 of them a lie. Try to think about what other bloggers already know about you, what might shock them and what they don’t know and would simply not being able to guess which one is a lie.
Here are mine.
1. I broke my ankle when I was 9, just days before 4th grade started
2.  I used to have a job selling jewelry.
3. I appeared in a local commercial when I was a teenager
THE RULES:
Comment below with which one you think is a lie.
Make a new post on your blog and do the same.
After you get a bunch of guesses (or whenever you feel like), make a new post with the right/wrong answers and explain them if you want.

An interview with...ME!

Lisa over at Amateur Nester has started a new blog series called "On the Journey with..." and she just published her interview with ME!  I don't pretend to have had the most harrowing infertility journey, but I think every story can be related to, so I was flattered the Lisa was interested in sharing it.  Go check it out HERE and follow her blog!

Tricky Treating

What I consider to be first of the triple-threat holiday season (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas) has come and gone!  Halloween was somewhat eventful, as for the first time in my life (to my recollection, anyway) trick-or-treating was postponed here in Central Indiana.

All week, they had been discussing the possibility of strong storms on Thursday night with very high winds.  I kept an eye on the forecast and came up with two "back up" plans.  The first was to take the kids to trick or treat at the local mall. That would involve leaving work early, as the hours were from 4-6.  We also would only attend that event if it was raining, but not REALLY storming (not dangerous to be out in the weather).  The second was Halloween cookie baking and "mini trick or treating" to my mom and sister for Tyler.

After some initial hesitation, the city officials did postpone trick or treating to Friday and so we stayed home and did option 2 (good thing too, they postponed the mall trick or treat as well).  Tyler didn't seem to phased by the whole thing and I was very glad we were able to stay in.  The wind was CRAZY!  My little guys would have blown away out there! 

PICTURES!!

At our local orchard/pumpkin patch-My two little pumpkins and their pumpkins!

 My mom snagged these awesome (and EASY) pumpkin decorations!  No carving required!

Side 1-SCARY!

Side 2-Silly!

Fat Bat!

And finally, my adorable little Treats!

Silly and Sweet Spongebob!

My little Monster!

AJ loved bopping along in his stroller!  Bonus-a place to dump Tyler's extra loot!

Tyler had a BLAST and was a HUGE hit! 

 Everyone loved Tyler as Spongebob and he was on cloud nine, losing his mind over getting Smarties and pointing out the costumes of all the other kids.  "Mommy, there's a BANANA!"  He didn't want to stop!  Finally after about an hour and half he was tired and we'd just about hit every house with their lights on in the neighborhood, so we headed home to give out candy for a little while. 

I have done a fairly decent job at resisting the Halloween candy, sticking to just a piece or so here and there.  The last week or so I slacked a little bit on food choices and tracking, but I still hit my workouts pretty well. I am back on tracking now and stepped up my elliptical workouts to include hand weights, so that's been a new challenge.  Although I didn't post a loss from last week, we did have first weight in for the weight loss challenge at work (not sure if I mentioned this or not) and I am in SECOND PLACE!  I posted a 7% loss.  The guy in first is at 9% and we are followed by a three way tie at 5%.  I was really surprised and happy to see that result, maybe I do have a shot at a little monetary kickback!  We'll see! 

Where'd he go?

You guys, where did this little baby go?

I swear, he was just here.  But it seems as though this big guy has taken his place. 

Don't mind the drool

He's ONE, already!  I can't even believe it, it doesn't seem possible.  I still haven't turned my mind completely off from all those months of trying to conceive him, and yet here he is, a babbling, toddling little (big) guy.

I'm a little late on this post, delayed by the remembrance day post and, well LIFE in general being super busy.  AJ turned one on October 12th.  On his birthday, my sisters came over and we did a small dinner with cake and presents.  Little man was having way too much fun and went to bed quite late!  He enjoyed smashing some chocolate cake, and let us give him a few bites as well.

Sunday afternoon, we lucked out with amazing weather.  We invited over our immediate family and had a barbeque with hamburgers, hot dogs, salad, au gratin potatoes, and pasta, plus cupcakes for dessert.  Everyone hung out on our patio and in the yard and we put out our corn hole set (you might have to be from the midwest to know what that is!) and some balls and frisbees.  I think everyone had a good time and AJ seemed to enjoy himself in the playyard and being passed around, despite his cold.

Presents?!  My smiley boy

Going for the covert nose-wipe. He hates it.

It all went off without a hitch. The food was good, everyone made it and we celebrated my little booger turning one, amazing!

He also had his check up last week.  My "little" guy is 23 lbs 13 oz and 32 1/2 inches long! That puts him in the 85% for weight and the 95% for height!  We're having some struggles with solids (non-baby foods) because his gag reflex seems a little strong.  He's doing okay with some new stuff, but so far he absolutely does NOT get the idea that he can pick up food and feed himself.  He won't do it!  I'm hoping he gets the idea soon.  Couple that with no more formula (YAY!  Saves $45 per week!) and starting the transition to a sippy cup, plus working through sleep training issues and there are a lot of changes going on in the life of AJ!  But he's doing great and we love him!

Aside from that, we're dealing with some car drama I'm not really feeling like getting into just now (except to say I do NOT recommend Ray Skillman's auto group anymore).  Tyler is doing pretty well, recovering from his own cold and maybe a tummy bug as well.  I have finally succumbed to the cold myself, after fighting not to come down with it for over a week (everyone else had it).

Still doing pretty well on the fitness front.  Today's weight it officially placed me at 24 lbs lost, which is over 10% of my body weight!  WOOT WOOT!  I realized tonight that I have lost an AJ!!  He weighs right at 24 lbs, the amount I have LOST! For some reason, that really blew my mind!  Pretty soon NONE of my clothes are going to fit!  In a GOOD way! :)  Not sure what I'll do about that though!  I finished the Shred and having been doing my elliptical, but I bought a new DVD, Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 that I will try soon (after this blasted cold buggers off).

That's it!  We'll let AJ wrap things up.

LOVE HIM! :)

Pic of the Week: Remembering Butterfly

I still need to write a post about AJ's first birthday (?!), but first, I'm re-posting something I wrote today on my other blog, Ask An Infertile.

Today is a day put aside in remembrance.  A day to stop everything in our hectic lives and remember the babies we have lost.  It's a day to think of the sweet babies that were taken too soon, the pregnancies that ended before their time, and the angels born asleep.

Like Rachel, my loss took the form of an early miscarriage (I share her hatred for the term "chemical pregnancy").  My husband and I had been trying for over a year to conceive our second child.  My doctor was just getting ready to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist.  We were trying one last month on our own.

A good friend of mine in the TTC community had just found out she was pregnant with her second child.  We'd "met" on an online forum and discovered that not only did we live in the same town, but that our children were born just two days apart.  Then we found out that they were born in the same hospital AND her mother had been my nurse!  We had talked for months about how great it would be to be pregnant together, to be "due date buddies".  When she got her BFP, I wanted so badly to follow her!  My TWW crept along.  I took a test and didn't see anything.  I posted a picture online (do all TTCers take pictures of their peesticks?  It's not just me, right?) and a few people with much better eyesight than I have been blessed with thought they saw a little something.

The next morning, I tested again.  This time I could see it too!  It was very faint, but it was positive!  My husband and I were over the moon!  It was the day before Father's Day and we were ecstatic to receive such a gift!  My friend and I were going to have both children the same age and we couldn't have been happier!

But that happiness, that heavenly feeling, was short-lived.

The day after my BFP, I took another test and was pleased to see a darker line, but disappointed that my digital test was negative.  I reminded myself that digital tests aren't a sensitive, it was probably just too early.  That afternoon, I noticed a tiny bit of spotting when I used the restroom.  I was nervous immediately, but I kept telling myself that bleeding isn't uncommon in the first trimester.  I reached out to my friend, who said the same thing.  It would be okay. It just had to be okay.

The next morning, I didn't take a test.  Maybe part of me just didn't want to know.  I felt alright, I was even having some symptoms already, and I hadn't had any more spotting overnight.  I went to work and started looking for an OB.  I called and made an appointment, even chatting anxiously with the nurse about how I'd had a little spotting and was just so nervous and excited.  She reassured me that it's normal, it's probably nothing, don't worry unless it's heavy or accompanied by cramping.

Monday afternoon I noticed a little more spotting.  By Tuesday morning I couldn't avoid it any longer, I took another test and my heart sank.  The line was light, extremely light.  I took another test, but got the same result.  In complete denial, I decided maybe they were a bad batch of tests, so I took my last remaining test, a digital.  Negative.  Tears immediately sprang to my eyes, but I pushed them back.  I picked up my phone and called into work, then called the OBs office where I'd scheduled an appointment. They agree to have me come in for a blood test.  The day seemed to go in slow motion.  Drive to the doctor's office.  Don't look at the pregnant bellies.  Don't look at the adorable toddlers and infants in the waiting room.  Go to the lab.  Have blood drawn.  Go home. Put feet up. Drink water.  Ignore the cramping.  Don't think about the bleeding--it's bleeding now, not just spotting.  Go online, read message of support from my friends--Don't give up!  It's not over!  Go to bed to escape.

The next morning, I texted my boss telling him I'd be late.  I waited for a call, but I didn't make it very far before I cracked and called to beg for my results, even though I already knew.

"We got your test results in.  You were never pregnant. Your HCG level was only 3.  If you had been pregnant, it would still be higher."

 I couldn't even think.  I saw those perfect pink lines.  I felt the symptoms, the breast tenderness, the gas, I FELT PREGNANT.  She had to be wrong.

I realized later that she was.  It was a callous thing to say, and obviously not true.  False negative pregnancy tests aren't possible.  She only managed to make me feel worse as I dissolved into tears at a loss she didn't even recognize.

I told my husband and my mother.  I cried.  I told my son, who wasn't quite 2 1/2, but knew mommy had a baby in her belly and knew mommy was sad.  I cried.  I got up, got dressed, drove to work.  I cried.  I told my boss.  I cried.  I worked, desperate to concentrate on anything else.  I cried any time anyone asked how I was.  They didn't know, but I cried, so I had to explain. As the hours and days went on, I found that sharing helped. I ended up sharing my loss with more people than I'd been able to share my joy with.

Many people probably didn't understand my grief. I had only known I was pregnant for four days.  But I wanted a baby so badly, and as soon as I saw those two pink lines I wanted THAT baby.  I was devastated that I would never know my baby, never get to see my baby grow and learn.  My heart broke to think I'd never hold that baby in my arms. 

Since I didn't know if my baby was a boy or a girl, I've always simply thought of him or her as Butterfly.  I've always adored butterflies and they've always held a great deal of significance to me.  I felt like this beautiful little spirit flitted into my life for such a breif time, and since butterflies are thought to only live a short time, it seems fitting.

So tonight at 7:00 pm, I lit a candle for all the sweet babies lost too soon.  And I lit another one for my Butterfly.