Monday, September 12, 2016

Memory Box

Life has been crazy, so I'm finally getting around to posting about the memory box I put together after my miscarriage. I drafted it awhile ago, but kept forgetting to take pictures! 

So I mentioned that on the second day after my surgery, I went out and bought a memory box.  I'm not sure what drove me to want to do this so urgently.  At the time I wasn't sure I even had enough things to warrant a box. I guess I wanted something that belonged to the baby or something to take out and look at when I needed to. But that morning, less than 48 hours after my surgery, mom was getting ready to run errands with the kids and I asked if I could go with her and if we could stop at a craft store so I could pick up a few things.  She agreed. I think she was glad I wanted to get out of the house.

We went Hobby Lobby and Michaels. I found a photo box that I liked and picked up some things to decorate the inside lid and a photo sleeve for one of the ultrasound pictures.  We ran errands and ate lunch out, probably one of the first decent meals I had eaten in awhile.  Once we got home, I rested awhile (I'd probably overdone it a little) but later that afternoon I got out my supplies and decorated the inside lid with flowers, an ultrasound pictures and a little bit of sparkle.

The box:

Purple of course. In my defense, I didn't know the baby was a boy until after I bought this

Inside the lid:

Again, probably a little girly. Sweet angel boy.

It's contents:

And here's a full list of it's contents, with photos:
  • Pregnancy tests 
The expired strip was the first test I took, then confirmed with the $.88 test
  • Hospital Bracelet
  • These are paperweights I made from flowers from my bouquets. My mom did some like this after Nicky died. You can buy resin kits at the hobby stores. They were molded in the little bubbles you get toys in from the quarter machines at grocery stores. See how to do this here
It felt good to make things for baby. And for me.

  • Photo Album (contains photos of tests, the owls we gave mom to tell her, the facebook announcement photos, and the flowers sent by my friend and my coworkers)--I got this at Walmart for like a dollar or two and it says "I love you to the moon and back" which I say to Tyler every night before bed. PERFECT
  • The little purple hart was given to me at support group. There's a tiny purple heart and a bigger purple heart with a small heartshaped hole in it. They give these to every mom that miscarries. At their memorial, the mother's put the tiny heart with the ashes so that the baby has a piece of her heart and the mom keeps the larger heart.  The passage reads "Lovingly and tenderly handmade for you by those who care and share with you in this difficult time. We prayed today that 'the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, wil guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' Phil 4:7"
  • Another item from support group--A card (with a butterfly on it) and inside, a ribbon holding a tiny gold ring. The passage reads "The ring is a perfect circle, the circle is never-ending just like your love for your baby. Everlasting love was present when you learned you were pregnant. As your baby is loved back to God, please accept this ring as a symbol of your pure love. Psalm 117:2 Great is His steadfast love toward us."
  • The pink ribbon is from a vase of flowers my dear buddy (my coworker and I call each other buddy) sent me.
Gifts and memories

  • A sweet card from Tyler's friend's family and my sweet cousin, plus a card from the surgery center staff (I realized there were addresses all over these, forgive the sloppy editing)
  • Cards from the flowers from work and Buddy (my friend and I call each other Buddy)
  • Notes from Buddy and A (another coworker) that they left on my desk when I was out

  • Ultrasound photos, taken at 8 weeks, 9 weeks, and 10 weeks.

I like the earliest u/s picture the most, even though baby looks like a peanut. You can't see the SCH in that shot (the largest print)
  • Print out of our facebook pregnancy announcement and comments
  • Print out of our facebook loss announcement, comments, and my posts from my TTC group
  • Print outs of texts and emails from friends and family  
I like to read these sometimes to remember that others knew about and cared about the baby.

  • A tin of dried flowers/petals from my bouquets. I bought these special beads that pour over fresh flower. You put them in a bowl and microwave them (or let them set a few days) and they dry out.
Now I can keep them forever.

I'm glad I did this. I can definitely see the box sitting on a shelf or in my closet.  For now it's on my nightstand. I can see myself getting it down and going through it from time to time, and eventually probably on my due date (1/14) or on 6/28. I can see myself showing the items to the boys when they are older.  I'm not sure how we'll handle things with the boys. Tyler knows, obviously, but talking about it right now upsets him, so we aren't pushing the issue, just trying to watch for any signs that it's bothering him. I want it to be like how Angie, Michelle and I just always knew about Nicky and that we weren't sad about it, it just was.  I'm not sure it can be that way for Tyler, I think he might always remember that day.  But I don't think AJ will. I hope someday they will want to sit down and look at the items.