Friday, June 22, 2007

The promised land

What is it with cats? My cat Tippy, has made it her life's work to squeeze by unsuspecting ankles into the hallway of our second floor condo. She's very determined. And why does she want in the hallway? Because she's not allowed in there. And what does she do when she gets there? She rolls around on the carpet orgasmically. What is so great about the hall carpet? It's cheap commercial grade! And it's not especially cool in the hall or something. The little slut just wallows on the floor giving me the eyeball while I'm trying to herd her back into the house so I can go to work. At which point she finally decides that she's ready to go back in anyways, strolls past me, pauses at the dog cage, teases Gracie with her tail, and wanders off to do whatever it is my cats do while I'm at work.


Monday, June 18, 2007

A letter to a dear friend

Dear Stomach,
I appreciate all that you do. I really do. I know that you work very hard. And while you have become a little flabby over the years, I hope I'm correct in saying that I've been pretty good to you. I give you the tasty stuff, and a decent amount of the good for you stuff.

So this leads me to ask, why have you turned against me???

First the frequent turbo charged bathroom problems. Embarrassing, painful and very inconveniant. Then the crippling cramps that start in my back and work their way forward. And now? I don't really know how to describe your latest assult. Sometimes I think I'm getting hungry. Then I realize that...well it feels like a volcano is gurgling in there. Not heartburn, exactly. And you are just...unsettled. You are unhappy. I get it. People are starting to think I'm getting an ulcer. is that what it is? Why now? Do you like the berry flavored tums or should I switch to the smoothie variety? Lord knows I'm close to calcium overdose from the chalky goodness.

And I must not forget to mention the recent agony I faced on an early sunday morn. you reduced me to my skivies laying in front of a fan, wishing for death. Not fun. I give you medicine. I give you tea. If I don't, you make me die. If I do, sometimes you make me die. Can we make a deal? A truce?

I'll even take a promise of no new afflictions? Come on? Please?

Your outer limits,

P.S. Fuck off.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Nothing to write about so....

A Survey:

What time do you get up in the mornings?
During the week, 6:15, on the weekends whenever I can't shut my brain up any longer

First thoughts waking Up?
A few minutes...

Do you shower Daily?

Do you believe in Life on other planets?
I’m not arrogant enough not to.

How do you take your coffee?
I can't drink it anymore, so I drink hot tea with lots of sugar

Do you eat breakfast?
I have to.

Do you prefer sleeping alone?
I haven't done that in a long time. I like my bed-buddies

Do you smoke cigarettes?

Have you ever burnt your hair?
maybe on accident

Do you sleep with a pillow?
yes a regular one and a throw pillow

What were your habits as a child?
finding quiet spots to make my own, daydreaming

Do you want kids?

Are you an only child?
Nope, never. Not even in utero. (LOL Sis)

Do you like road trips?

Who are your 6 best friends?
Kelly, Chell, Angie, Adam, Mandy, my mom

Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
I never have

Do you eat leftovers?
Yep, if it’s food I like.

Do you prefer being single, or in a relationship?
In a relationship

Are you in a relationship now?
lol yeah

Have you ever cheated?

Have you ever been cheated on?
not to my knowledge

Once a cheater, always a cheater?
not always, but the possiblity is more likely.

Pajamas or naked?

What do you take when you have a headache?
muscle relaxors

Roughing it or luxury hotel?
Probably luxury hotel

Beach or pool?

Would you give your number out to a stranger?
probably not

Ever hitchhiked?
actually yes, kind of. A friend and I had a flat tire on the interstate one night and as we were walking to a phone, a guy stopped and offered us a ride. We were reluctant, but we did it and we got lucky and he wasn't a psycho. but I wouldn't recommend it.

Ever picked up a hitchhiker?

Roses or daisies?

Do you consider yourself conceited?
I try not to be

Is your hair its original color ?

Do you wear makeup?
a little

Do you eat ranch with your pizza?

Do you believe in God?

Do you have a crush on anybody right now?

Does he/she know it ?
well, marrying him probably gave him a clue

What food could you absolutely never give up?

Who's your favorite cartoon? South Park

What TV. shows do you watch?
Project Runway, ANTM, What not to wear, CSI

Do you think you're attractive?
not really

Are you allergic to anything?

Ever had your heart broken?

Who was the last person to hurt you?
my dad

Who was the last person you hurt?
my dad

Do you wear socks to bed?
Bleh, no.

How do you feel about breast implants?
i don't need them, but to each his own

What kind of shampoo do you use?

Have you ever been in love?

Do you think love is real for young people?
I think it can be.

Have you ever loved somebody who didn't love you?
Yes, several people.

Black or white?

Say your opinion, or keep it to yourself?

The snow or the sun?

Favt. Song at the Moment?
a song called good night by Amber Rhodes

Favt. Band?
Bowling for Soup and BNL

Favt. CD?
right now, kelly clarkson and bowling for soup

Last Movie you Watched?
no idea

Last song you sang?
"Before he cheats" by Carrie Underwood.

Do you like to dress up?
It can be fun occasionally.

How long does it take you to get ready after you get out of bed?
If I’m in a hurry, 2 minutes. If I’m not, 30 minutes.

Describe your type of dude/girl ?
sweet, funny, sensitive, caring, generous, hard working

Will you Love Him/Her?
i do

Do you really understand what Love is?
i think so

How many pairs of jeans do you have?
5 or so

Do you want to get married in a church?
i didn't

Shower in the morning or night?
I prefer night I dont' get up earlier to shower i like my sleep

Is there ever a justified reason to lie?yeah

Favorite Disney movie?
Finding Nemo

Favorite movie?
Devil wears prada

Have you already met the love of your life?

Do you think you and your best friend will still be friends in 10 years?
I think so

Ever thought you were gay?

Are you a good girlfriend/boyfriend?
i hope so

Hats or no hats?
no hats

Do you fall for people easily?

Is it hard for you to open up to people?
completely, yes

Do you watch what you eat?
I try

Is this true "an eye for an eye?"

"All's fair in love and war"?

"True love never dies"

If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be?
I’d lose weight.

Mom or dad?
i can't go there right now.

How long have you known your best friend?
5 years or so

What’s your favorite meal of the day?

Do you have any secrets?
Sure, everyone does.

What is your worst fear?failing

Do you play hard to get?

Are you hard to get?

Do you like the chase?

Do you use an umbrella?
not much

Night or day?

Republican or Democrat?

Do you like our president?

Do you consider yourself 'nice'?

How do you want to Die?
old in my sleep

What should you be doing right now?
nothing in particular.