Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Quest

So I'm going to lay it out there...I was hesitant to put it out in the blog-world, but since I don't have too many readers, I figured, why not. I have spent the better part of a year preparing and attempting to conceive baby number two. My husband and I are blessed with our son (2 year old Tyler) and ideally, we'd like to have our kids fairly close in age. Adam's sister Heather is only about 18 months old than him. I am a twin, plus I have a sister that is 5 years old. (I also had another sister, but she passed away as a baby. I don't feel right talking about my sister's without mentioning her.)

When we started TTC Tyler, we got pregnant after about 8 months of trying. I'm very thankful that we didn't have the problems I've read so much about. I read a lot of TTC blogs and some of the stories out there are just heartbreaking.

All that aside, it isn't easy for me. I am not a naturally fertile myrtle! My body doesn't seem to work exactly right. For example, I have a really hard time trying to pin point my ovulation. I've tried BBT, but my temperature doesn't seem to fluctuate at all. I'm guessing that has something to do with the fact that I have neutropenia. Neutropenia is a condition where my white blood cell count, particularly my neutrophil count is lower than normal. I found out I had that at age 19 when my appendix burst during emergency surgery. The doctor's didn't know I had appendicitis because my white blood cell count was really low (typically with appendicitis, the WBC is very high, indicating infection). Did I mention that was on my 19th birthday? In the same hospital I was born in? No? Well, it was. Generally, it just means I have to be careful when I get an infection. If my fever gets too high, it can mean I'm not fighting off the infection. Mostly, it causes me to get sick more often than the average person. I also come down with illnesses very quickly and tend to stay sick longer. Fun time, but manageable. My WBC actually rose while I was pregnant and for a short time after.

Anyway, I digress. In addition to BBT not working out well for me, I have a generally weird cycle. It ranges from 30-37 days. I've tried using ovulation tests to catch ovulation, but usually the best I get is a line that half of it is about as dark as the test line. I'd buy the little smiley face tests, but they cost like 15 bucks more!

So last April or May I began seriously preparing for my journey TTC #2. I cut way down on caffeine, upped my water intake, started back on prenatal vitamins, etc etc. So far, we haven't had any luck, but we will keep trying. I've had a few months, last month especially, that I though I could be pregnant...Last month I was on cycle day 37 and I still hadn't started my period. Although I had taken two pregnancy tests (one on day 33, one on day 37) I still believed that maybe, just maybe...but no. Aunt Flo arrived. That's been the hardest one so far. Before I conceived Tyler, I actually skipped a period in March (I got pregnant in May). That sucked...I really thought I was then.

Anyway, why am I sharing this? I don't know. As I said, I've been reading a lot of blogs on the subject, and I read TLC's conception story site. I guess I wanted to tell my story, in some little way. I hope I don't have the trouble some of them had, but I've drawn a lot of strength from their stories. They are exceptional women.

So as I continue on this journey, I pray that I'm blessed with another child. And I pray that infertility is someday something that no woman needs to fear or overcome.


notanillusion said...

Don't stress out yet! Tyler's sibling will get here! :)

T. Bull said...

It'll happen - just keep trying!

A Place to be Me said...

Thanks T!

Darcy said...

Don't let yourself stress about it, Melissa. I think that does more harm than good. When the time is right, it will happen. Try to relax and don't worry about your temp. and charting and all that stuff.