Spring must be cancelled...

Because we've got 8 inches of snow outside.  It's a real testament to Indiana weather and it's unpredictability.  This time last year we had 80 degree temperatures, and this year, snow and freezing temperatures.  Go figure.

We were able to squeeze in a half-way decent day on Saturday, so we took Tyler (and a sleeping AJ) to a quick Easter Egg hunt at a local park.  He had a good time, hunting for eggs with his cousins and then running around for a few minutes, but he had a bit of an issue because he wanted to go to the playground, which was PACKED.  Ah, four-year-olds! 

After errand-running with my older sister and Adam and the kids, I had lunch with one of my best friends.  We had lunch and cheesecake (Kahlua--YUM!) and talked and then she did my nails and my eyebrows!  Kelly is AWESOME!  It was so great to see her.  We joked that somehow we became
"those people" that couldn't find time in our schedules to get together!  We'd been trying for months, but kept having to reschedule!  It was definitely worth the wait!

Finally and most importantly, THANK YOU to all my new commenters and hopefully new readers!  I have added a ton of new blogs to my reading list and I am loving ICLW!  I wish I had something more interesting to write about right now!  Please know how much your comments mean to me and how much I enjoy reading your blogs!!!  If you stick around I'll try for some more interesting content soon! 

I guess I'm still trying to find my post-IF niche...Am I just another Mommy Blog?  Random updates?  I'm not really sure.  Eventually there may be more talk about my book, but it's in such an early stage right now, and I'm slightly wary of putting too much out there on the internet just now.  I don't know anything about copyrights and all of that.  Hopefully I'll write things worth reading most of the time, and please forgive me when I don't!

I leave you with a pic of my loves!

Once and infertile, always an infertile

 First of all, welcome to any readers that might venture here from IComLeavWe!  Thank you for reading and commenting!  I'm Melissa, also know as Mel (especially in the online IF community).  I've been writing here for (holy crap, I just checked and I missed my blogversary!) seven years. This started out as just a place for random thoughts, very lighthearted and probably pretty boring!  Over the years, I've documented my life as a young (ish) married average woman in the Midwest, to a new mom, and more recently I wrote of my struggles to conceive my second child.  After over a year and a half of unexplained infertility that included an early miscarriage, I gave birth to my second son.  Now I continue to write about the joys of parenting my two amazing boys, Tyler and AJ and other random things, including current project--working on a book of infertility stories.

Now on to today's post!

The other day, I was reading a blog that I was linked to from another blog I read faithfully.  The post can be found here and it really struck a chord with me.  She is in the early stages of pregnancy after having struggled with infertility for several years. She talks about an encounter with her boss, who has just told her that another of their coworkers had just announced that she was pregnant after a struggle with infertility. She commented that it seemed as if starting work there triggered fertility trouble. Her boss pointed out that she was now pregnant, as if the fact that she had achieved pregnancy erased what she had been through trying to get there.  Read the full post for the whole story. 

I left this comment:
Once an infertile, always an infertile.  Even when you reach that goal and get that take home baby, you can never forget what you've been through, how it felt.  And that dark time isn't diminished, even by the joy of the birth of the baby you longed for.  There are so many different "degrees" of infertility, everyone has a story, but even with all the happy endings, we all still know a pain that can never be understood by anyone else but another infertile. No one can take the journey away from you. It's made you who you are.


I really feel that way. A few weeks ago, while jotting down an intro for my chapter in my book, I wrote that I had some reservations about including my own journey. After all, I had a child before I came up against infertility. I "only" struggled with infertility for 19 months. I "only" had one early miscarriage. And now I have my second healthy baby.

But you know what I realized? There is no such thing as a little bit infertile or a small loss. I will never forget that part of my life and I am a different person for having experienced it.  Even if I never try for another child I still remember what that felt like.  I realize that I am "lucky" in terms of infertility.  It can be so much worse.  That's why I want to write the book.  But what has driven me to want to write it all goes back to my own struggle. I never would have heard and read so many stories and met so many incredibly strong women if I hadn't gone though it.  I love my kids in a different way.  It has made me appreciate my time with them even more.

We all have the same goal.  Some of us reach the finish line and some don't.  I wish it wasn't that way.  But the lucky ones weren't always lucky and we've all felt the pain associated with IF.  It's not something that we could leave behind.  And, though it seems strange, I don't think I would want to.

Marching on

The month of March and I have NOT been getting along.  I'm trying very hard not say that, since there are still nearly two full weeks left in the month, but I'm forced to accept that at least the first half has not been very much fun.  So for now, Optimistic-me will say that the first half of March sucked.

The first week was work related stresses and several people I know losing loved ones.  One was the 26 year old seemingly-healthy son of a former coworker.  That one really struck me because the son was young and fit and had his whole life ahead of him.  It really made me hug my little guys even tighter than usual.  At work, my employer let a coworker go and that meant a lot of restructuring and backpeddling and figuring out what needed to be done.

Oh yeah, and then Adam did this:

He missed the last stair one night at about 10:00 pm (while playing around with his cell phone).  We spent half the night at the ER and luckily it was just a sprain with a tiny little chip off the bone.  It actually healed much quicker than expected and seems to be much better now. It certainly looks much better.


Then last week, twin went on an amazing trip to Costa Rica.  It was due to a grant she applied for at the college where she works and it was a really cool opportunity.  She got a friend's son to stay at her apartment for the week and look after her dog and two cats.  Monday night, the day after she left, her boyfriend called me to ask if I'd been to the apartment. I said I hadn't, and asked why.  He said that the house sitter had called him and said the animals were all MIA.  We rushed over and luckily, the animals were just very very good at hiding.  The cats were under the couch (who doesn't look for cats under the sofa??) and Shadow (the dog) had squeezed himself in between a box and the wall.  I don't know if he couldn't get out or didn't want to.  Anyway, we got him out and thought that would be that. 

My older sister lives in the same apartment complex, so she stopped by the next day and Shadow wasn't doing well.  He was crying and then had what she assumed was a seizure. Since she had to go on to work, I left work and took the dog to the vet.  Sadly, after a few hours and several of what I have to assume will be very expensive international phone calls with Twin, it was decided that poor Shadow had probably had a stroke and it would be best to put him to sleep.

I was just heartbroken that my sister's beloved dog had to leave us while she was so far away.  I'm glad I was able to take care of things and be with him in her place, but I know she would have rather been there with him.  I hugged him and told him how much we all, especially her, loved him.  It was a very emotionally draining day.

By Wednesday, the cold that was creeping into our house had really hit the kids, especially AJ hard.  Thursday morning was spent at the doctor's office and they decided he was showing the earlier signs of an ear infection.  All of that led to several rough nights and evenings.

Now some good stuff!  Gotta focus on the good!  In bullet points!

• Twin took Domo with her to Costa Rica! So we might just have a return post of Domo's Destinations soon!!
• I went to the baby shower of one of my oldest (I hate the phrase, but we have known each other since kindergarten) friends! It was a ton of fun!  Her little girl is due next month!
• My niece turned one on St. Paddy's day!  How time flies!
• AJ is now 5 months old and weight 17 lbs 12 oz!?  He's also super long, although I can't remember what they said, so he actually doesn't look that big, but he feels big! He rolled from back to front last week! Just like his big brother he did it in his crib and then yelled because he couldn't figure out how to turn back over! Then, just tonight he rolled from front to back! He was sitting on my lap but lean toward and staring at his play gym mat so I laid him down on it on his tummy. Since he hates tummy time he turned right over! 
• Tyler went with my older sister to the Children's Museum and had oodles of fun! :) Thanks Aunt Chall!
• While I have had literally no time to work on my book idea, I have lots of thoughts rumbling around in my head about it.  I just hope I can get them onto paper (or screen) the way they sound in my head!  I seem to have good ideas while driving, perhaps I need to invest in a tape recorder!  Or try out my voice recorder on my phone LOL!

Wow I managed to squeeze out six good things :)  We'll take it!  The rest of March will be better than the last two weeks! :)

Updates, tibits and, mayhap, an announcment

Am I the only one who occasionally enjoys inserting a Shakespearean-esque Old English word in modern conversation?  Yes?  Okay then, moving on.

First off, the boys are thriving.  Tyler got a clean bill of health at his check up and they were happy with how he is growing and of course agree he is so smart!  AJ still wants to eat ALL THE TIME, which now includes baby food.  He likes sweet potatoes, accepts squash, GAGS on peas, and adores all of the fruits so far (peaches and apples).  He's seriously hilarious, mouth gaping open frantically for the spoon.  He is still having bottles pretty much as often though, so not much progress there.  I think (shh!) he's getting closer to sleeping through the night. He's had a few nights that he woke up at 1 or so and we tried to see if he'd go back to sleep for awhile and next thing you know it was 4 am!  The last night, we didn't wake him at his usual 10 pm, so he ate at midnight (why?  Oh just wait, story coming) and didn't get up until 5:50 am, thank goodness!

 So why did we vary our usually religious nighttime routine?  Because at 10 pm last night, my dear husband was coming down the stairs, his nose buried in his cell phone screen, missed the bottom stair, fell and rolled his ankle.  He popped up, said "I'm okay" moved to his chair and proceeded to remove his sock.

Not okay.

In a matter of seconds, a huge (like think tennis ball sized) swollen bump appeared on the side of his ankle.  Not okay.

So off we went to the ER.  Mom stayed with the kids, thank goodness.  Xrays showed that it's a bad sprain with a tiny little chip off of the bone from where the tendons and ligaments pulled away.  He has an air cast and he's using my old crutches (nice bonus of only being a inch taller than your wife).  Apparently sprains can take longer to heal than a broken bone, but luckily it doesn't seem to be hurting him too much, so hopefully with some rest and if I can keep him from being his crazy distracted self, it won't bother him too much for long.

So it was after 1 am before we got home.  Tyler was sleeping on mom's bed--he's been having some bad dreams at night lately and when he does he wants Daddy right now, and no one else will do.  He woke up while we were gone, so she just kept him downstairs so he could see us when we got home.  AJ was asleep in the pack n play.  By the time I got Adam settled and the kids to their rooms, it was after 1:30.  Then I was keyed up, so it took awhile to get to sleep.

So there wasn't much sleep to be had for me last night. Exciting stuff.

Now, on to the announcement...this is one of those things that I am hoping if I put it out there, it will become a reality.  I am working on the very early stages of a book.  I have written many things over the year and I'm finding that my fiction isn't much of anything special. However, I think I could do some decent non-fiction.  I'm drawn in particular to the stories I read on forums and blogs, stories of infertility and pregnancy loss.  So I have decided to do a collection of personal stories of woman who have struggled with IF or losses.  Several friends on my favorite forum have already volunteered to contribute and I plan to reach out to some of the blogs I read as well. Hopefully some of them will be interested.

Obviously this will be a long process.  I have to gather the stories, then write them in my own words. I also want to include a collection of advice/words of wisdom/encouragement from members of the online IF community.  I'm thinking of doing a questionnaire and then probably interviews.  I'm realizing there are so many stories I want to tell, so many perspectives, it's overwhelming!  I want something every woman can relate to.  I can't quite estimate how many stories I'll have room for.  I may have to edit more than I'd like or heck, maybe it'll be a series!

If you are reading this and interested in sharing your story, please contact me. Identities can be kept anonymous if desired.

And now I am going to doze on the couch until bedtime and pray that wannabe snowpocalypse 2013 is cleared up by morning

Liebster Award!

From Damaged to Donor is so sweet and nominated me for a Liebster Award!!

The idea is to circulate and increase the readership of smaller blogs; so I answer the questions put to me by From Damaged to Donor, and then come up with questions of my own to forward to bloggers of my choosing.

The Liebster Award is available to bloggers with less than 200 followers. And you get to add this award to your blog! There is a code, but I can't find it, so copy and paste the picture below and add it as a gadget to your blog!

 

  From Damaged to Donor's Questions:

1. Dogs or cats?

I used to really be a major cat person, but having six cats at once changed me!  I'd have to say dogs now.

2. Favorite season and why?

Fall.  I love to watch the leaves change color and feeling the air cooling down just a little bit.

3. Do you have a green thumb? Does that change depending on whether we're talking about indoor versus outdoor plants?

Not really.  I am TERRIBLE at remembering to water a garden or a plant.  My husband bought me a plant for mother's day last year and I thanked him, but I joked that he hadn't given me a gift, but an obligation!  I suppose I would be slightly more responsible when planting veggies, since there is more at stake there than your average house plant. My mom lives with us and she generally shoulders the gardening responsibilities.  

4. Have you yet found any silver lining(s) in the journey of infertility? If so, what?

My silver lining was finding the incredible online support system of woman who shared in my struggle.  I made some incredible friends throughout my journey, friendships that I hope will last a lifetime.  And I have been able to read some truly inspiring stories.

5. Are you reading a book currently? What?

I recently read "Julie and Julia" by Julie Powell (The book that the movie was based on, where the author wrote a blog about trying out all of Julia Child's recipes from "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" over the course of one year.).  I am re-reading "Mockingjay" from the Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins right now, because it was handy the other night when I was bored.

6. Do you make lists to keep organized in life or do things just stick in your mind?

I am a huge list maker!  Grocery lists, packing lists, to-do lists, I even write down what time AJ has a bottle.  

7. Favorite scent?

Baby lotion, strawberries, and rain.

My questions:

1. What is one (or more) item on your bucket list?

2.  If your life had a soundtrack, what songs would be on it?

3. What is something you've done in life that you are truly proud of?

4. What is your favorite sound?

5. Favorite word?  Why?

6. If you could sit down with one person (living or dead, someone from history or a family member) for a nice long chat, who would it be and what would you talk about?

7. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

8.What is the coolest thing about you?

9. What is your favorite color--be precise, don't just say blue, but what kind of blue?

10. Favorite quote or saying?

11.  If you hit the lottery tomorrow, what is the first thing you'd buy?

And a bonus question for my fellow fertility-challenged ladies, stealing it from my nominator:

12. Have you yet found any silver lining(s) in the journey of infertility? If so, what?

And, the nominees are (ignore if you feel like it!): 

Twin (I know you don't blog anymore, but I wish you would, so maybe this will tempt you)

Believing in myself!

One day at a time

Our Tiny Angels

glumbunny

Love is Blonde

MissConception

Tales from Our Yellow Brick Road

Womb For Improvement

The 2 Week Wait

Eggs out of time
Ready For My Turn

Apparently the guidelines for being eligible for this award dictate that you can't have more than 200 followers.  However for some reason the "Followers" section of blogger isn't showing me how many followers anyone has!  So hopefully you lovely ladies are all eligible!  Also, please forgive me if you have already been nominated, and just consider this my personal assertion that you and your blog are awesome!  And let me take this opportunity on behalf of the blogging community to thank you for writing your blogs!  I truly enjoy reading them!

Fun Times

Happy Belated Valentine's Day, blogland.  Last week passed in a blur of grossness.  Early Tuesday morning when we got up to feed AJ I started getting sick with the stomach flu.  Tuesday was spent fighting a high fever and general barfy unpleasantness.  By Wednesday I was feeling better, just super wiped out from the fever and not eating.  By Thursday morning my mom and Adam were both down with it.  That left me with Tyler and AJ.  I needed to go into work for at least a little while, so I got some things together (and in the process poured a whole bottle's worth of nursery water on the floor when I forgot to put the liner in AJ's bottle), packed up the kids and made the 40 minute drive to the office.  I got Tyler settled on our laptop and AJ spent some time in his car seat, then on my knee, and finally laying on a blanket on the floor.  Unfortunately it was only an hour and a half or so before Tyler announced tearfully that his tummy hurt.  Cue doom music.  Needless to say, I rushed to finish what I was doing and get home.  Tyler said he couldn't walk, so my dear coworker was nice enough to carry AJ (who was blissfully good during this whole thing) in his car seat down to my van and then wait with the kids while I ran back inside to clock out in the shop (of course the clock in system on my computer wasn't working).  We rushed home and shortly thereafter Tyler started getting sick.  He broke my heart, the poor thing, he really felt awful.  Luckily the worst was over in eight hours or so and he felt better by the middle of the night.  By Friday my mom and Adam were able to handle the kids and by the weekend everyone was reasonably healthy, although we're still a little touchy in the food department.  Blessedly, AJ has yet to catch it, possibly thanks to an oral vaccine against some strains of intestinal flu. 

So, Thursday being Valentine's Day was a complete flop.  Mom had the forethought and opportunity to get the kids (and Adam and me) a few little things and I gathered some gifts on my lunchbreak on Friday, but Adam and I didn't go out as planned on the weekend.  We may be able to this weekend. 

Tomorrow is AJ's four month check up and Tyler's four year check up.  AJ will get shots (I'm praying he reacts the same as he did last night, crying for thirty seconds and then sleeping most of the rest of the day and the next) and both boys will see our family "doctor", PA Amber.  We all adore her and she loves kids.  I'm interested to see how big the boys are and I'm hoping she has some suggestions to help us curb AJ's every-two-hour feeding schedule.  We shall see!

In other news, I found out that my next business trip will be in May and I'll be going to Dixon, CA!  I'm not looking forward to having to be away from my boys for the better part of four days, but I am excited to get the chance to visit California, having never been further west than Missouri!  I'm also presenting a good deal of training material at the conference and I'm hoping it may lead to some new opportunities at work.

So there we are, a good old fashioned update post!  Notice the new tabs on this blog, I'm getting fancy!  I'm also working on a "100 Things" list, just for kicks, though I'm having trouble talking about myself that much!

My in-real-life friends and family say they read, and I hope I have a few virtual readers.  I've been reading oodles of blogs lately and it makes me wish I could increase my reader-ship.  I'm not sure how to go about increasing my traffic, though.  Any ideas (or just to say hi, I read!), leave me a comment!

FOUR?!

I can't believe that my baby, my first born, is four years old!  Why does that sound like so much older than three!?  He's getting so big and he's so smart!  He's a great big brother, too!  He makes me smile and laugh every day with his antics!  He uses such adult phrases, and uses them correctly even though he might not really understand them.  Yesterday he was telling me the Squidward (from Spongebob) isn't nice and he doesn't like Spongebob and Patrick because they "ruin his life all the time"!

Things about Tyler at 4

• He is still a super picky eater!  He loves McDonald's chicken nuggets and fries and Steak N Shakes vegetable soup.  He likes pizza and has even discovered that he likes my mom's chop souy and rice.  He likes fruit snacks and yogurt bites and cheese a cheddar fries.  He eats mashed potatoes dipped in corn.  He loves apples, grapes, strawberries, watermelon and bananas (though he can't have those too often!). He likes juice and gets to drink sprite for a treat when we eat out.  He likes poptarts and toast and cereal with no milk!  He has a huge sweet tooth, especially for smarties, cookies, and doughnuts.
• He loves to go to the "toy room" at Walmart and try to win smarties out of the candy crane machine.
• He love Thomas the Train, Dinosaur Train, Calliou, Sesame Street, Sid the Science Kid, Word World, and Spongebob.
• He loves Hot Wheels and Cars.
• He loves to play on the computer, on PBS.com, Sprout.com, Pogo, and watching videos on YouTube (Thomas, etc). He also loves to play on our smartphones and he could probably give lessons on how they work!
• He loves to play outside and would everyday if not for things like rain and cold.
• He can count to at least 50, though he'll occasionally replace numbers like 30 with "twentyten".
• He was pretty delayed on potty training, because of his constipation issues, but he's going strong now and doing great!
• He loves "The Big Bang Theory" and thinks Sheldon is hilarious.  He even sings "Soft Kitty".
• When he cries his eyebrows get bright red, just like mine.
• He can already read and recognize several words, especially his favorite TV shows on the television guide!
• He loves to play with other kids, especially his cousin Toby and he can't wait to "go to school".
• He likes to bring AJ toys and loves it when AJ touches him.

For his birthday we took him to the mall and let him "Build A Bear".  He chose a monkey.  He had a great time stuffing it, prepping it's little satin heart to go inside, giving it a "bath" and filling out it's birth certificate on the computer.  He didn't want a sound box or any clothes.  He proudly announced that the monkey's name is "Ziggy".  I tried to ask him where he got that name, but he just gets confused and tells me he got it at Build A Bear. LOL  We also had pizza and Annie Anne's pretzels and even a cookie (Yikes!).  Monday he got to pick out a toy at Toys R Us from Gaga and then she bought him a Happy Meal.  Then my sister's came over for dinner and he enjoyed the icing off of a piece of chocolate cake and (his favorite) the little letter candies we decorated the cake with.  He had a fun day and was a little disappointed that it couldn't be his birthday the next day too!