Monday, June 24, 2013

Blog Challenge Day 24: Mommy Fearest

What's your biggest fear about becoming a mom?

My biggest fear by far about becoming a mom was and still is something happening to one of my kids.  My mom and I have talked about it, since she LIVED losing a child, and I just can't imagine it.  Just the thought of something happening to Tyler or AJ makes me feel physically sick.  After I had Tyler, I would tear up and get anxious just hearing a news story about a child getting hurt or killed.  As much as it's always been a fear, since my kids were actually born it's multiplied somehow by about a thousand.

So far, we've managed fairly unscathed.  Tyler's endoscopy was one of the hardest days of my life, watching him be led away for the procedure, hearing him crying when he woke up and then even once I could go to him, being unable to calm him down, because he just wanted to GO!  Once when he was less than a year old, I tripped in the driveway while carrying him and we fell into the garage door.  I was so afraid he was hurt, really hurt and worse it was my fault.  Luckily, he was just banged up and scared, but a very tense and tearful drive to the ER and a fussy, guilt-filled rest of the day.

With AJ, that fear started earlier.  I always worried in the back of my head that something might go wrong with my pregnancy with Tyler, but it wasn't something I really thought would happen to me.  But after we tried for so long and I had my miscarriage, it was much more of a constant worry with AJ's pregnancy.  I started to calm down about it after the first trimester, and then I had some spotting at around 14 weeks and the worries resurfaced.  Luckily it all turned out okay.

The thought of losing our children never goes away for parents, I don't think.  It's not a constant thought in the forefront, but there is sort of an unwritten rule that children should outlive their parents. I certainly hope that is the case for my kids.

'Kay, sorry about that, kind of a downer, I know!  Hopefully something lighter tomorrow!

This is part of a June blog challenge started by Mommy Someday at Waiting for Baby. Pop over there and join in so I can learn these things about you!


Jennifer Juniper said...

It is and always will be a parent's worst nightmare. <3

Stasy said...

One of my biggest fears. Losing William gutted me, but I do not know that I could survive losing a living child I had held and watched grow day by day.